#it needs to be more properly summarized I mean

[opal-owl-flight]

Please please what are your thoughts on the final boss of the epilogue, I got spoiled on day one and have been waiting for you to see it in game before I asked because it's just so cool and your stuff is all so cool and I want to know your thoughts and potential lore

SO this is quite a lot! My method for handling new info is to take what works and leave what doesnt. Canon is a suggestion, not a rule.

About the Crown:

Mistellin was originally made to seal away Termina (the dark heart pf which was rampaging around the galaxy) and use its power to fight against it, but only a shard of It was captured. Seeing that the shard still held incredible power, the Ancients decided to use It's power for good instead of destruction.

Monarchs have worn the Crown, but several of the weak willed fell to Its influence and used it for their nefarious ends ("It strengthens the darkness in the wearer's heart..." so its Power at a price. The reason why the Crown's claws constrict corrupted souls like Magolor Soul is for damage control). Why the Halcandrans continued to use this Crown I can only assume to be survivorship bias/majority chosen did not fall...until the last king of Yore, who was possessed by Termina midfight in the war to seal It away. (The magitech civil war happened a little after this, as the loss of the monarch due to misunderstood Dark Matter magic research/practice raised tensions between magic practitioners and the tech faction.)

How the lore changes affect my telling:

Why the past monarch chose Mags as successor then (a story beat in my interp of things) -- well he didnt have much of a choice at first. The shards of the damn relic rooted itself on Mags' head. Literally. (Thanks Termina.) The dark entity did nothing but send waves of searing energy through the Crown shards to cripple him, to prevent him from stealing the Rejuvenating Crystal Fruit that It plans to use for Itself. (Dunno what this fruit is in canon, but judging from what the fragments of it do to Mags -- I assume its an Ancient artifact that holds an insane amount of energy. Gem apples exploding is a convertion of his high energy supposedly used to heal, to fuel a more destructive outcome. What can heal/restore can also destroy.)

*What Mags does in Epilogue is what I can simply say as "gathering painkillers". The magic energy he stores up allows him to block out/create a dam against Termina's crippling energy waves, and also allows him to do more powerful, complicated spells in the process. (No wonder one of his emotes is him crying.)

After Magolor Disrespects the Lorax by slicing a tree in two, the voice goes MUCH quieter. The tree (and the Doomer) held majority of the Crown shards -- by destroying them, Termina's way of communicating with him grows weaker. But not fully gone. (He cries in the end bc its sweet, sweet, relative silence...)

Did Mags learn his lesson? Not yet. If anything, his ego is the size of a galaxy now, bc he killed an eldritch god on his own. Without Kirby's help.

Im going to set Clash aside bc jfc that looks complicated as hell. The only thing Im taking here is the fact that he set up a Shoppe in Dreamland (no alternate realities here either -- itll complicate things)...but its not exactly a fresh new start just yet. Hes doing this to gather Nova parts easily. What better way to get parts and artifacts without raising too much suspicion than by trade? (His full redemption happens after Robobot, in the Nova Incident. Which is another thing I wrote)

Back to the previous monarch choosing him as a successor. Termina kept It's clutches on Mags. The Crown has rooted itself deep into his soul enough that hes still at risk for easy possession. SA rolls around, and Termina is supposedly at It's strongest.

Mags doesnt get possessed. Out of sheer spite and will alone he keeps the gate on the Crown's power and influence shut. Hes not going to fall, not again, not when he finally has something, and (several) someone(s), to care about. At the end, its him who deals the final blow on Termina in his mindscape, as he is yhe one who holds the last fragments of It's consciousness.

Free at last.

This is what makes the King of Yore choose him as an heir. He couldve decided to trap the dark entity in the Crown, like intended, and kept it fed so the Crown's power will never run out. But he chose not to...not wanting to suffer any longer nor make anyone else potentially suffer what he had.

He freed both himself and the Crown. Now the power that sleeps within is clean, with no Dark Matter almost guaranteeing a corruption.

* If anyone falls with this version of the Crown, it is not bc of any Dark Matter. Thats on the bearer's character/lack of control. Mags still losing it in Overlord form time and again shows that....

[saphronethaleph]

He's the Calm One

“Give yourself to the dark side,” Vader advised, as he stalked through the darkened areas of the throne room. “It is the only way you can save your friends. Yes, your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for…”

He paused.

“Your sister,” he said, interested. “So, you have a twin sister. If you will not turn to the Dark Side, then perhaps she will!”

“No!” Luke shouted, springing out of cover, lightsaber held ready.

Vader moved his own blade in a block, then stopped a moment later as he realized Luke wasn’t actually attacking.

“You mustn’t make her turn to the Dark Side,” Luke said, voice laced with urgency.

“I must not?” Vader asked. “That is not up to me-”

“No, father, that’s not what I mean,” Luke replied. “It’s a matter of safety. Personal and… galactic.”

Vader’s expression did not change, because he was wearing a helmet.

“You realize that I have no idea what you are talking about,” he said. “Who is your sister?”

Luke paused.

“Leia,” he said. “You should know that, father. Maybe now you’ll understand.”

Vader’s helmet tilted slightly.

“What?” he asked. “I never felt a thing. Her emotions never betrayed her.”

“She didn’t know,” Luke pointed out. “I didn’t know until you told me.”

“Still…” Vader mused. “The Force can be strange… but you seem insistent on keeping your sister from the Dark Side.”

“You’ve met her, haven’t you?” Luke asked.

Vader paused, giving that due consideration.

“...I suppose she would probably be suited to the Dark Side,” he said. “She would make a good apprentice.”

“You’re not listening,” Luke complained. “She would be a terrible person to have as an apprentice in the Dark Side of the Force, specifically.”

Vader attempted to glare at Luke. “You fail to understand the value of passion to the Dark Side.”

“Why have you stopped fighting?” Palpatine demanded, from the other side of the throne room.

“We are having a moment,” Vader called back. “I am attempting to turn Luke to the Dark Side by using his family members against him.”

“Very well!” Palpatine said. “Continue! That usually works.”

Vader inclined his head, slightly, the only sign of what was probably a frown under his helmet.

“I may need to think about that,” he said, under his hissing breath, then returned his attention to Luke.

Who was gesturing for emphasis.

“Maybe I’m not getting this across properly, Father,” he said. “But perhaps… you sent Han to Jabba the Hutt, didn’t you? You knew him?”

“I do not know Jabba the Hutt, son,” Vader retorted, his voice dark with rage. “I know who Jabba the Hutt is. But I fail to see the relevance.”

“As part of the plan to rescue Han, she got captured,” Luke explained. “Jabba chained her up and made her a dancing girl. The moment I began to fight during the rescue, she cut the lights and strangled him with that very chain.”

He stared into the eyes of Vader’s helmet, unblinking and unbowed. “Do you understand, Father?”

Vader considered that, then nodded, very slightly.

“I begin to see your point,” he said. “Damn.”

“If Leia turned to the Dark Side and was made an apprentice to you or the Emperor, it would be extremely bad for the health of everyone inside this room,” Luke summarized. “And also for the galaxy, more generally, though it would at least be run efficiently.”

“The Emperor has brought order to the galaxy,” Vader said, in a sort of distant voice like he wasn’t fully paying attention to the conversation.

“Have you seen how much he’s spent on pointless superweapons that get blown up by the Rebellion?” Luke shot back.

Vader held up his free hand, and for a moment Luke wondered if his father was about to use the Force… only for it to mean nothing more than a request that Luke be silent for a moment.

“...humour me, son,” Vader said. “What, exactly, is your plan here?”

“With surrendering myself to you?” Luke asked, and got a slight nod. “I hoped to be able to convince you that you’d done something wrong, and that you could realize that there was still good in you. That you were not trapped in the Dark Side, and could – if you truly wished it – return to the side of good.”

He paused. “...I will say, Obi-Wan and Yoda both told me it was impossible.”

“They do that,” Vader said, still sounding distracted. “And my daughter was raised by Bail and Breha, and she ended up… hm.”

“...Father?” Luke asked, after several seconds of silence had elapsed.

“I am just realizing that you are, apparently, Padme’s child of the two of you,” Vader said. “She killed Jabba the Hutt? Really?”

“Really,” Luke agreed. “Since you send Han to Jabba, we came up with a plan.”

He twirled his lightsaber. “First, I gave Jabba the droids C-3P0 and R2-D2, after concealing my lightsaber in R2. Then Leia turned in Chewbacca for the bounty, while disguised as an Ubese, and threatened to set off a bomb. Finally I came in to ask politely for Han’s release, offered Jabba one last opportunity to free us while about to be thrown into the Pit of Carkoon, and when he refused I killed… about half of Jabba’s entourage. Leia got Jabba and the other half when she rigged his sail barge to explode.”

“...this is a new feeling,” Vader said, almost to himself. “This must be paternal pride. Damn.”

“Have you turned him yet?” the Emperor called, waspishly.

“I’m working on it!” Luke called back.

Vader missed a breath, then his respirator worked overtime to recover.

“I still want to turn my daughter to the Dark Side,” he said, once he’d recovered. “But mostly to find out what would happen.”

“Fair,” Luke admitted. “I’m curious as well, but I don’t want to be in the blast radius and I’m fairly sure the entire galaxy would be the blast radius. Even if we were both trained Jedi I’d insist on being the one who came along, because I’d rather see you alive instead of a sort of faint ozone sheen in the air.”

“What is taking you so long, Vader?” Palpatine demanded, stalking over. “By this point, someone in this room should be dead. This delay is entirely tiresome!”

“All right,” Anakin replied, and pushed Palpatine off the bridge.

“...do you think that counts as dark side or not?” he added, glancing at his son. “I’m genuinely not sure, he was a very old man…”

[bouncybongfairy]

Stress Relief

Bakugou x Fem Reader

Summary: Aizawa offers you extra credit to tutor Bakugou for an upcoming test. Need I say more?

Word Count: 1.5k+

Ref Account: @kaionyx

TW: Rough Smut, Oral Female & Male Receiving, Facial.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Sitting in your room and dissociating never felt so good. It was finally the end of the week and you felt properly chewed up and spit out. Muscles were sore and brain was fried, all you wanted to do was sit in silence. Emptying out your backpack and organizing everything on to your desk. The stress you were under was slowly chipping away at you. Hearing a knock at the door made your eyes roll, the last thing you wanted was to interact with anyone. Wiping the scowl off your face, you go to greet the unwanted guest. The feelings of annoyance quickly turned into insecurity once you saw it was Aizawa and Bakugou. Trying to casually fix your appearance as he began speaking in his monotone voice. 

“Hello, sorry I didn’t mean to come to your dorm directly but this is a time sensitive matter. Bakugou needs a passing grade on this next test, I’m willing to bump your grade up 5% if you agree to help,” he explains, making Bakugou’s frown deepen. 

“Oh of course, we can start right now,” you said, practically beaming. Having your grade pushed up five percent was a God sent gift at this point in the semester. 

“Wonderful, Bakugou, please try to be open to the tutoring,” Aizawa said before walking away. 

You gestured for him to come in, made you feel nervous watching him take in the room. All your posters and collectables are now starting to feel a little dorky. Not really sure what to say, you just sat in silence as he took in your room. You were pretty soft spoken and he was anything but that. It often worried you seeing how dark he was. It was so apparent that his anger issues were coming from a deep wound from the past. When all your friends would gossip, they talked about him with such vascularity and objectification was quite sad. As much as you tried to discourage this, there were times you agreed. The intimidating look he always had written across his face. The way his pent up rage came out during combat training. 

It frustrated you knowing that he could overpower you. Any time you were paired to spar, he always managed to out maneuver you. Pinning you to the ground or wall. As much as it affected the confidence you had in your combat abilities, it made you feel warm and fuzzy. The last time the two of you were sparing, he grabbed your forearm so hard it left a bruise in the shape of his hand. You stared at it in the mirror for a while, confused why you liked it so much. Running your fingertips over the purple and brown blotches. Thinking about the way he looked into your eyes when throwing you to the ground. Walking away with no care or regard for you physically or mentally. It made you melt even though you’d never admit it. The two of you were sitting at your desk, helping him with his English assignment; he was getting frustrated and you were enjoying it a little too much.

“That just doesn’t make any fucking sense. The assignment was to summarize the fucking article. I don’t have to talk about my feelings about it, it’s not even specified!” he said, raising his voice. 

“I could understand you don’t want to give your opinion on it but the teacher isn’t going to accept it until you do. You’re being ridiculous,” you huffed the last part under your breath. 

“Excuse me?” he asked, folding his arms. 

“Nothing, i’m just saying the assignment-” you started but became interrupted. 

“No, go on. Explain why I’m ridiculous, I wanna hear you say it,” he said, furrowing his eyebrows and grinding his teeth. 

“You are ridiculous. Are you so ignorant that you don’t understand how lazy you are? You act like academics is optional and that you can rely solely on your combat. Nobody else will, so I'll be the first to tell you: Thinking physical prowess will get you where you wanna be is stupid and delusional,” you say, starting to pack his papers up. 

“If anyone is stupid and delusional it’s you, we both know the real reason you accepted this little study session,” he scoffs standing up. 

“What do you mean by that?” you ask, knowing exactly what he was implying. 

“Do you think I don’t notice you staring at me? Finding any opportunity to throw yourself at me. I can only imagine what runs through your head while you watch me. I have an idea by the way your cheeks flush and your pupils get wide. The way your body shakes when we spar. It’s stupid and delusional for you to think I'd ever want anything more than your body,” he said, now backing you against the wall.

You weren’t sure what to think, part of you felt like this was him showing his interest in you. Another part of you was worried he was just being cruel. Like he was stringing you along, trying to make you look desperate just to pull away.

“Interesting way to say you want my body, if you wanted me that bad you could just ask,” you patronize. 

“I wouldn’t have too,” he said, grabbing you by the throat and pushing you against the desk. 

You were now halfway sitting on the edge of the desk. Legs dangling off, separated by him grinding against you. Letting go of your hair, holding your face in his hands. The kiss was sloppy and wet, not being able to get enough of each other’s touch. You reached down and ran your hands up his back towards his shoulder. Lightly scratching down as he started kissing your neck. Nipping and sucking hickies on you, his heavy breathing giving your body goosebumps. Your hands begin to wander, fingers dipping into the back of his pants. Tracing all the way around, stopping when you felt his happy trail. He sits back on the office chair and stares you down. This makes you blush, sliding off  and onto your knees. Your body was slightly under the desk, he took your glasses off and set them down.. 

Genuinely being gentle, which made you feel more safe to be vulnerable and vulgar. Taking his tip into your mouth, swirling your tongue around him. He moaned softly as he collected your hair in his hand. Using the other to stroke your cheek and face. Eventually you start bobbing your head up and down. Looking up and watching his reaction, he huffs and grunts that pour out of his mouth. His eyebrows furrowed together and sweat started to bead on his forehead. Feeling him get harder and harder as things started getting more sloppy. His hands were getting rougher, both of them now laced in your hair. Helping fuck your head down on his shaft faster. Cursing and moaning, starting to buck his hips. Making you gag around and spit around his cock. He pulls you by the hair off him with a loud pop sound. Grabbing himself to smack and rub his tip against your lips as he tips over the edge. Covering your mouth and chin with his cum. 

Expecting him to be done but being taken off guard when he grabs your jaw. Bringing you to his level and smashes his lips against yours. Moaning into the kiss, being taken completely by surprise from how brazen he was being. He pulls away, a mix of saliva and his cum dripping down both your mouths. Standing up, he grabs your waist and lifts you on the desk. Sitting back down and spreading your legs, using his fingers to massage your clit. Moving down and eventually pushing a finger inside you. Bringing his lips down and starting to eat you out. Flicking his tongue, moaning as he felt you tighten around his fingers. Increasing the speed of both his hands and mouth. Stroking himself off, seeing you in so much pleasure was making his cock feel touch starved. Reaching your hands down and pulling and yanking. His hair was sweaty and you could feel him breathing hard against your core. 

You tried holding back your orgasm as long as possible, wanting to enjoy the pleasure before becoming overly sensitive. He pushes a third finger which makes you fall  over the edge. Feeling the walls of your cunt spasm and tighten makes him cum for a second time. Standing from his chair, rubbing his tip against your clit while continuing to finger you. Making eye contact as his warm cum covers your lower stomach. Resting your foreheads together, trying to catch your breath. He almost dozed off but eventually realized it was getting late. You were passed out, not wanting to wake you up, he carries you to the bed. Grabbing a towel and wiping you down. He didn’t want to go through your clothes, so he slipped his tee-shirt over you. Walking out in his tanktop, Kirishima gave him a side eye as he left your room.

[pizzabox-box]

Deep dive into the "Dead Man Walking AU"

SPOILERS AHEAD! If you haven't read the introductory comic yet I strongly advise you to read it first!

Watch out! Hurting Peppino, tomato sauce and long walls of text ahead!

This AU takes place in an alternative timeline where Fake Peppino defeats and kills real Peppino in their fight on the fourth floor. doing so he consumes a piece of Peppino and thanks to this he‘s able to perfectly take Peppino’s form.

He also gains Peppino’s memories and an inteligence of a regular human. And only then, as memories that aren‘t his own invade his mind and a man’s last thoughts before his death echo in his head, he realizes what have he just done.

The guilt drives him to finish what Peppino started. He climbs to the top of the tower, defeats Pizzahead and the other bosses, crumbles the tower, and takes over Peppinos restaurant. No one, except for him, knows what really happened on the fourth floor… or does someone? Question is, how long? How long can he keep this secret? How long will he be able to keep this illusion alive? How long before the consequences of his actions eat himfrom inside out?

Thanks his newly acquired inteligence he’s able to speak properly and has complete control over his more monstrous side. Through he can still do all the things Fake Peppino is known for, if he chooses to. (like speaking the „gibberish“ language, deforming, reforming and miscellaneous frog stuff)

He  knows how to make a good edible pizza but has to wear gloves while handling pizza dough to prevent a piece of him getting into it and a clone forming. (I don’t have to explain why pizza coming to life would be devastating, right?)

As mentioned above "Peppi-NO" has real Peppino’s memories. He has reacurring nightmares based off real Peppino’s memories. Most often the war and real Peppino‘s last moments. (He has two sets of memories from before the incident, his own and real peppinos. Luckily he’s able to clearly differentiate between them. This also means that he gets to experience Peppino’s death from two points of view. Quite lovely, isn’t it? )

He treats other characters like real Peppino would. But doesn’t feel any real connection to them. „I’m mean to the Noise, because real Peppino would be mean to the Noise“ Kind of mindset. The only exception is Noisette who was Fake Peppino’s pal before the incident. He views her as a friend but still needs to keep the act up around her.

The best way to understand this character is to put yourself into their shoes. So...let’s do a quick thought experiment: You are you, right? Of course! It makes perfect sense. But now imagine this. You are not actually you. YOU are a clone of yourself, who managed to kill off the real you. And all of your memories are not actually your own. What would „your“ friends and family think if they found out? If they found out that the real you is dead? Hell. How would you react if you found out that your lifelong friend was actually killed by a skinwalker few months ago and the damn thing has been pretending to be them ever since?? Imagine that for a second...

Let’s not forget. This is actually Fake Peppino we’re talking about. Despite everything there’s still a silly side to him that sometimes shines throught the facade.

To summarize this character in one sentence. He hurt Peppino and now he’s stuck in his personal hell.

There's a lot to this character I haven't mentioned yet. Well, hopefuly I didn't forget anything important. In case you have any questions feel free to ask! I will be opening Q and A for this this character (and also the others)

[meanbossart]

what i wanna know is where does the protectiveness of du drow stem from? like, is it just his personality, or was it something triggered within him to protect those around him that he deems in need of protection, whether growing up or in the temple?

did he think orin needed protection? anyone else from the temple?

in my own playthrough with my durge, he felt protective over children or child-like adults (like that one adult who he taught the ways of cannibalism) because he himself never got to have a childhood. so im just wondering if there was a reason for du drow to protect those he thought needed protection.

I'm not sure I would call it "over-protectiveness"! If that's ever the term I used, I hope I properly contextualized it. DU drow doesn't bend over backwards over every nick or scratch on his friend's and partner, nor does he think them incapable in battle... But he has a need to constantly prove that he is - well - needed. He wants to show off how capable and reliable he is so he isn't so easily disposable. DU drow's value lies in his habilities - if he can't provide in resources or physical prowess, he is useless, as he doesn't consider his personality to be a factor in what makes him likeable. This is not a "woe is me" thing for him - it's an extremely pragmatic belief he genuinely holds and accepts, even if it's harmful on the long-run.

Theoretically, if he were to go lone-wolf this would cease to be a problem since he wouldn't have anyone to prove himself to - but I also think that would eventually drive him into a profound depression. Despite all appearances, DU drow is a weird breed of extrovert who needs people he cares about and devotes himself to, otherwise there is absolutely nothing to keep him waking up in the morning. He does not do well entirely by himself at all; that's a situation he was in (more or less, save for Sceleritas' occasional visit) when he was younger, and even if only subconsciously, it may be something he fears ever experiencing again.

So - when he finds people that bring him a little joy, comfort, and peace as Shadowheart and Astarion do, he clamps down on them like a vice; and as he's always been taught, the best way to keep people from leaving is to make sure they need you. This also means he's horrified (hell, in utter denial of the possibility of-) of their deaths and will do whatever he must to keep it from happening unnaturally. I guess he would call that being protective, but it's kind of an excuse.

Pre-tadpole, he did not believe Orin needed protection - he believed she needed him, because he needed her. And I guess that perfectly summarizes how his head works and I didn't have to ramble for that long, LOL.

In regards to the soft-spot he has for mothers and children, that is nowhere near as intense, he's just softer and more understanding of them, and would probably be up to going a little bit out of his way to save a child's life, or provide them with some comfort. This is less of a notable feature and more an example of normality in his otherwise pretty antagonistic behavior, LOL.

Thank you for the question! this was an interesting one to try and parse.

[spaceyaceface]

you are a wildflower garden growing in my head

Ominis Gaunt x f!MC/Reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: None

Summary: When she learns that Ominis Gaunt is well versed in floriography, she insists on him giving her lessons to learn the language of flowers. Thankfully, he ins't too hard to convince. Requested by @applinsandoranges

A/N: I loved researching Floriography a bit (or maybe a lot) for this fic!!! I'm sure it's not perfect, but I tried my best to be as accurate as possible. Thank you thank you THANK YOU to applins for requesting, I loved writing this so much!!!

Normally, the courtyard was pretty quiet—it was what made it an ideal place to study in the early spring, when the snow had just finished melting and trees had started to bud. She and Ominis had made a habit of sitting out there in the late afternoons, when Sebastian was serving his various detentions. 

That day didn’t seem to qualify for normal. 

Everett Clopton was chasing after a weeping Adelaide Oakes, who had burst out into wailing tears mere moments ago. 

“Addie, what did I do wrong?” Everett shouted after her, the flowers he had given her left on the ground where he had thrown them. “I’m sorry! Come back!” 

The ruckus caused quite the stir in the courtyard, students looking up from their studies to watch the pair—she herself couldn’t help but stop her reading, observing them with a furrowed brow. 

“What was all that?” Ominis asked from beside her. 

“Everett Clopton just gave Adelaide Oakes some flowers, then she ran off crying,” she summarized quickly. “Pretty unexpected turn of events. I always thought she returned his feelings.” 

Ominis frowned. “What flowers did he give her?”

She took a closer look at the flowers laying on the ground, tilting her head a bit. “They’re petunias, I think.” 

The loud laugh from beside her caught her off guard—Ominis usually contained his amusement pretty well, especially in public, so his loss of composure made her brow furrow. “What on earth is so funny?” she asked, perplexed. 

Ominis sat himself back up, taking a deep breath. Small chuckles still escaped him, but he seemed to have control of himself now. “Petunias,” he began, “Mean anger and resentment. No wonder Adelaide was upset.” 

Her own lips turned up in the corners. “Seems like poor Everett didn’t have a clue,” she said. “But to be far, neither did I.” 

“I’m not surprised Adelaide caught on,” Ominis said. “Hufflepuffs are usually more inclined to plantlife, aren’t they?”

“I suppose,” she replied. “Hold on, how do you know the meaning of petunias?”

She didn’t miss the slightest blush that covered Ominis’s cheeks. “My sisters,” he answered. “It’s a form of sending messages that normally wouldn’t be allowed to be shared when properly courting. They’d receive bouquets from suitors and would sit and talk about their meanings for hours, speculating it from every angle. I grew a bit fascinated by it, and learned what I could about the subject flower meanings.” He gave a small smile. “I know much more than the meaning of petunias.”

She smiled, thinking of a young Ominis delving into such topics. She rarely heard him talk about things he was excited about, especially from when he was younger. There was a certain glow to his features when he did—one that fit beautifully with his handsome features. It was subtle; something people who’d spent less time observing Ominis would likely have missed. But she had become somewhat of an expert in the slight expressions on her friends face—likely due to the extended periods of time she found herself staring at him. It had only gotten worse as they grew closer—as her feelings for him became stronger. 

“How come you’ve never told me about any of it?” she asked. 

He shrugged. “You never asked.”

“Well, I’m asking now.” 

He chuckled, hands reaching for his textbook once more. “Fine then. I’ll give you a lesson in floriography. Just give me some time to prepare for it. We better finish our Potions homework in the meantime; Sebastian will need someone to copy off of later tonight.”

She sighed, but didn’t argue. She’d hold him to his lessons, she’d make sure of that. 

-

It took a few days of pestering him until he finally told her he’d teach her about flowers later in the afternoon. She agreed to meet him by the Black Lake—the spring had started to warm up, and being near the water seemed like a wonderful idea. 

When she trekked down to their meeting spot, her eyes widened a bit at the scene. No wonder he had wanted to take a bit of time to prepare—he’d gone out and gathered a wide variety of flora, each of them sitting around him. She couldn’t help but think that anyone who didn’t know of their intentions would have taken the scene as a romantic one. 

He heard her approach, smiling up at her and patting the ground beside where he sat. “My student has arrived.”

“You better not assign me homework,” she said, sitting down. She enjoyed the chuckle her comment drew out of him. 

“I’m sure you’re busy enough studying for N.E.W.T.S. already,” he said. 

She groaned. “God, don’t remind me. I came to escape that for a while.” 

“Well, hopefully I won’t take up too much space in your head with this useless information.”

“Hang on,” she protested. “Don’t go calling it useless. Seemed like Everett would have benefited greatly with this knowledge. Besides, who knows when I’ll have a secret message to decode?” 

He faced away from her, busying himself by grabbing a couple of the plants beside him. Was his face a bit flushed–? Surely not. It was perfectly clear when his head tilted toward her once more. 

“As you learned not long ago, not all flowers are fit for a display of love or affection.” He smiled a bit. “In fact, a lot of them have sentiments more akin to the opposite. For example…”

He reached to his side, pulling forward a cluster of small flowers, bright pink with white on the edges of the petals. “These are China Pinks, or Indian Pinks. I’ve been told they’re quite lovely. But looks can be deceiving, as the mean the giver has an aversion for the receiver.” 

She laughed a bit. “That would be a shock to receive, I’m sure.” 

He grinned. “Precisely. If one wanted to be a little less harsh in their message, one could instead give someone everflowering candytuft—”

“Candytuft?” she interrupted, giggling.

He shook his head in mock annoyance. “Yes, candytuft. Don’t be fooled by its sweet name, it means indifference.” He placed a white flower with many layers down in front of her. 

“Are all these flowers a way of telling me how you really feel about me?” 

Ominis laughed at that. “No, I just wanted to give you a sample of some of the things you can say. Those last two are just as untrue of my sentiments for you as the message this next one conveys.” He showed her a small white flower with a yellow center and red dot on each petal. 

“What’s that one mean? I’m going to burn down your house?” 

“It means ‘I die tomorrow.’”

Her jaw dropped, and she couldn’t help but let out a surprised laugh. “Do people really tell people things like that through flowers?”

Ominis shrugged, setting the flower aside. “They must, if it’s a well-known enough meaning.” 

“I’ll never look at flowers the same way again.” 

“They’re not all bad,” he promised. He continued with his lesson, bringing forth each flower he had brought. She listened to each one very attentively, thoroughly enjoying listening to him. He was right—it was a fascinating topic. She learned magnolias represented a love for nature. Mountain laurels stood for ambition. The colors mattered greatly, too—a red columbine meant anxious and trembling, while a purple one meant the giver was resolved to win.

By the time the sun came to rest on the horizon, her head was swimming with various names and meanings. They’d gone through all of the samples Ominis had brought her, and he seemed satisfied with the lesson he’d given her. 

“There better not be a test,” she said as he gathered up the flowers around them. He grinned. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not that cruel.”

The two of them stood, ready to be on their way. “I’ve got to visit Poppy about nifflers she says she spotted,” she told him, wishing she could spend the time it took to walk back to the castle with him. 

“Ah, of course. You and your beasts,” he said with a small smile. He shifted on his feet. “Before you go, I’d like you to have this.” 

He handed her a large red flower, tall and curving with strange petals sticking up all down the length of it. She took it from him, brows furrowed. “I don’t remember what this one meant. You haven’t showed it to me yet, have you?” 

“Not yet, no,” he said, voice quiet. 

“What’s it mean?” 

He smiled at her softly. “I’ll tell you soon enough.” 

And with that, he headed off toward the castle. 

-

She really tried not to think too much about the large flower occupying the vase in her dorm room over the next several days. Tried being the key word. Every time she walked into her room and saw it, she couldn’t help the slight flip of her stomach, remembering the slight blush Ominis had sported while handing it to her. 

Surely it was something simple and lighthearted. Surely it was some sort of jab or joke, and not any sort of… confession. He had spent that whole lesson talking about what flowers meant outside of romance, hadn’t he? Why would the gift he gave her at the end be any different?

Even so, she found herself checking out a book on floriography at the library, trying to learn the secret message he’d given her. So far she’d learned nothing of it. 

It didn’t mean she didn’t learn anything, though. 

It had taken them several days to find time for another one of their little lessons, with actual studies taking the unfortunate priority. But they promised to squeeze it in on a Saturday morning just before lunch. She’d woken up early to locate one of the things she’d latched onto while reading her book—a variegated tulip. 

Beautiful eyes, the book had told her. She figured if he got to tantalize her by giving her that flower, the least she could do was try to flatter him a bit into telling her. She hoped it wasn’t too forward; she’d told him his eyes were lovely before, but to do so in a language so dear to him—well, it just felt a bit intimate. 

In any case, she found herself headed to the very same shore of the Black Lake, seeing a scene much like the first time they had met there. Ominis sat there with a group of flowers, but this time, they were all bunched together, forming a mis-match bouquet. 

She grinned as she plopped down beside him, tulip tucked away. “That looks lovely.”

Ominis chuckled. “I hope so. All I know is it smells pretty decent.” 

“Is that how you tell all of them apart?” she asked. “The scent?”

He nodded. “That and the texture of the petals. Though I’ve gotten used to using my nose first—I’ve ruined a good number of flowers by manhandling them.” 

She laughed. “It’s a bouquet this time.” 

“Very observant of you,” he teased. She gave him a gentle shove in response, making him laugh. “Don’t abuse your teacher!”

“Don’t patronize your student,” she said, grinning. 

He shook his head. “As my amazingly brilliant and very astute student pointed out, I’m holding a bouquet—” she shoved him again— “which will be the focus of our lesson today.” 

“Permission to leave class early?”

“No.”

“Fine.” 

He chuckled, his fingers beginning to gently run along the different flowers he held in the bunch. “Last time we went over some of the more specific and less used meanings. Today I’m hoping to touch on some of the more common flowers, ones you’d be more likely to come across.”

“Sounds practical.”

“Precisely. I’ve gathered them in a bouquet for you—often times you’ll receive a bouquet so the sender can express more complex feelings, allowing the combination to give a better overview of their emotions and perception of you. So let’s dive in.” 

His finger pointed out a stem holding a few small white flowers. “These are white bell flowers, an expression of gratitude.” 

She hummed. “I like those ones. They’re pretty.” 

He smiled and nodded, turning the bouquet. “Here are oak-leaved geraniums, meaning true friendship.” 

She tilted her head, scooting a bit closer to him for a better look at the pink petals. “How sweet,” she said, smiling. 

His ears went a little red. “The next one needs a bit of an explanation as to why I included it in your bouquet, but—”

“Wait, my bouquet?” she asked. 

“Yes, your bouquet,” he said, red spreading to his cheeks and across his nose. “Now let me continue.” 

“I… carry on, then.” 

His fingers ran over the flowers he’d been indicating once more. “Water willows are representative of freedom. You’re always running off to some place, despite all the rules you should follow, so… freedom.” 

She nodded beside him. “That makes sense.”

He continued on, explaining the reasoning of each flower there in her bouquet. Each one made her heart beat a little faster—he’d spent all that time, thinking of her, picking out exactly the right words to describe her and what she meant to him. It left her grinning like an idiot as she tried to remember each and every thing he said. None of the things he brought up trailed into the realm of romance, but she didn’t need it to. Not now, at least. It was perfect, just as it was. 

“And there you have it,” he said finally. “Your bouquet.” He held it out to her, tilting his head away from her a bit. 

“I… I don’t know what to say, Ominis,” she said, taking it from him and holding it gently. “This is… you’re too kind.” 

“You don’t need to say anything,” he said quickly. “I thought a… demonstration would be best, to help you learn about it. Sorry if I overstepped—”

“You didn’t overstep anything,” she said. “I’m just glad I at least have something to give you in return. I’m sorry it’s not a full bouquet, but it’ll have to do.”

She pulled out her tulip, which looked a little pitiful next to his varied display. But she pressed it into his hand. He felt up the stem gently, and then froze.

“Is… is this a tulip?” he asked quietly. “What color is it?”

She furrowed her brows at his reaction. “It is. It’s a variegated tulip.” 

He let out a breath he must have been holding, a small smile coming to his face. “Beautiful eyes,” he said softly. “Thank you.” 

She couldn’t help but think his smile had a strange tainted emotion behind it—one she couldn’t quite grasp. “You’re welcome. Sorry it isn’t much.”

He tilted his head in her direction. “It’s perfect.” 

-

She couldn’t help thinking about Ominis’s reaction to her tulip the rest of the day. Something about it bothered her—the way he froze up at first, the strange tension in his voice. 

It wasn’t until she looked back at her book on floriography she thought she understood why. 

She’d looked back at the page on the variegated tulip, trying to see if there was something she missed, when her eyes drifted up to the entry just above it. 

Tulip; Red - Declaration of Love. 

Her stomach churned. That had to be it. Ominis had no way of knowing what color tulip she had handed him. For all he knew, she’d been about to confess her feelings to him. 

But had he been full of dread or excitement?

She racked her brain, trying to recall every last detail of his words, he tones, his movements. But to no avail. She was just as clueless of his feelings for her as before

The coming days didn’t help, either. As much as she tried to observe the way he interacted with her, all she learned was… well, that she loved him. She already knew that, of course. But she kept being reminded of all the little reasons why. 

Like the way he whispered snarky jokes to her in class. The way he smiled so slightly when he was amused. The way he walked her to class, even it made him late to his own. Everything about him, really. 

She loved that he made the time to have one final lesson, right before N.E.W.T.S., too. 

Being so sure of her feelings now, she decided to take a risk. Which was why, before she left for the Black Lake, she tucked a red tulip into the pocket of her robes. 

Maybe she’d use it. It was still up for debate—but she’d have it ready if there was even a chance he might feel the same. 

When she arrived at their meeting spot, Ominis was fiddling with the flowers around him. Much like the first time, they laid sprawled out, ready to be dealt with one by one. She came and sat across from him, smiling. “Well, here I am, at my final lesson,” she said. 

He chuckled. “I hope I’ve been a sufficient teacher.”

“We’ll see if I pass the test.” 

He let the smile linger on his face for a moment before moving to one of the first flowers beside him. “I feel like I’ve done a proper job of informing you the uses of flora outside of romance—however, it doesn’t mean it’s still not a large part of it.” 

The flower he held twirled in his fingers. She felt her cheeks heat up a bit—no, she couldn’t get too excited about this. Just because they were talking about love and affection didn’t mean…

“I feel like it’s an important section to cover,” she said, still eyeing the flower he held—pink with drooping petals. 

He nodded. “Extremely. This one I’m holding is a bit… well, dramatic, I suppose. But it conveys the giver’s message pretty clearly. Justicia—the perfection of female loveliness.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Very clearly. I assume you only give it if you really mean to court someone?” 

“Precisely. Would you mind holding it for me?” 

Before she could reply, he pressed the stem into her hand, all but forcing her to take it. She grasped without much thought, as Ominis was already reaching for the next flower. He held up the cluster of small flowers, smiling. “Here we have Peruvian heliotrope. It signifies unwavering devotion.”

He held it out to her, and she took it without a word. He continued on, not missing a beat. The next thing he held was not a flower at all—but he was quick to explain. “Cedar leaf,” he said. “Perhaps not a flower like the others, but it expresses the proper messages. I… I live for thee.” 

There was a tone in his voice that had changed dramatically from when he was simply giving her explanations. A distinct shift that made it hard for her to breathe. One that made her hand feel like it was burning where his fingers brushed against his as he handed her the leaf. 

“Everlasting,” he named, holding a bright burst of yellow and orange petals, “Never-ceasing remembrance.” 

It was added to her growing bouquet. 

He picked up the final flower she saw, a lovely little pink thing, taking the shape of a ball. “Globe amaranth. It has two meanings. Immortality, for the first. But the one I’d like to emphasis is unfading love.”

She sucked in a breath. The petals shook a bit, resulting from his trembling hand. Before he handed it to her, he reached behind him, pulling out a flower that he had let lay concealed there. 

“You’ll recognize this one,” he said softly. She did. The flower he had given her on that very first lesson—the one he told her she’d learn about in due time. It seemed that the time had come. “Honey flower. Love sweet and secret.” 

He felt the same. He had this entire time. He’d sat with her, day after day of studying and laughing, all the while letting his heart beat for her. It filled with with a joy she had never known—one she was determined to never let go off. 

She looked up at his face, jaw tense, and she realized her silence at his confession must be excruciating. She reached forward, taking the flowers from his hands and adding it to her perfect collection before setting it aside. “You mean it, Ominis?” she asked, hoping she had not taken this all ridiculously out of turn. It was relief when he answered in a quiet voice. 

“Every word.” 

She grinned, taking one of his hands in her own before reaching for the pocket of her robe. The flower was still intact—a small miracle she was glad had occurred. “You’ve been an absolutely amazing teacher,” she said, guiding his hand to take the tulip. He wrapped his fingers around it, brows furrowing. “For one, I now know how important colors are when it comes to deciphering meanings.”  She leaned closer, voice coming out as almost a whisper. “I’ve brought another tulip for you. But this one is red.” 

His face lit up in an instant, lips reaching up to spread into the most beautiful smile. The flower was set aside, for his hands found something much more important to do. He placed them on either side of her face, fingers tracing over her cheeks. She held his wrists, letting him lead her closer and closer, until there was no distance left at all. 

The breeze blew softly over them, carrying the floral scent with it. She’d love that smell for the rest of her life, she was sure—because it would always remind her of the way his lips felt on hers. 

[bumblebeehug]

hi friend. i am in desperate need of a chapter 520 reversal. lucy’s body heat is down and our man Natsu needs to help,,, post Alvarez PLEASE💗 love all your fics btw.

i'm yours no matter

Summary: Lucy comes back from a tough job in a terrible state: she's in a coma, Porlyusica won't stop naming risks and consequenses of the damage she's taken, and Natsu wants to throw up out of worry. Notes: glad fortsättning as we say in sweden! christmas is over, i have to study for my test, new years will probably leave me with the worst hangover ever bc when hasn't it :') but here's a hurt/comfort fic to satisfy y'all until the middle of january<3 thank you bluedragneel for this request, i'm obsessed with this trope and might write it again some day teehee :3 Ao3 - FF.net

***

Natsu would never have let Lucy go without him on this mission if he knew the state she’d come back in. He clenched and unclenched his fists while trying to understand what Porlyusica was saying, between odd medical terms and concerned small talk. He didn’t care about the details: he needed to know what happened and how it was going to be fixed.

“Boy, are you listening to me?”

“Huh? What? Come again?”

Porlyusica sighed, a vain threatening to pop out of her forehead.

“This is important. We don’t know how she’ll recover, if she recovers. If she does wake up we won’t be certain if she makes it out without brain damage. Wendy did the best she could, but even her magic is limited.” The fact that Porlyusica wasn’t screaming or yelling with rage, or even annoyingly tapping her foot or actively scowling at him made it clear that this was serious. She tried to appear calm, but in this case it only made him more worried.

“What… does brain damage mean? What would happen to her?” Natsu wasn’t sure he’d like the answer, but he had to know.

“What it entails?” She clarified, getting half a nod as an answer. “Well, if her brain is too damaged, her attention and concentration could suffer, we don’t yet know to what degree. She could also have problems with her memories, and making decisions and motivation would become difficult. This could mean that she’ll be more easily distracted, or she’ll experience information overload and become slower at taking in and making sense of information. Her work as a wizard would be jeopardized.”

Natsu felt a headache creeping on. He wasn’t sure if he properly understood half of that, but it sounded bad. His throat felt thick, swallowing seemingly didn’t help.

“That’s not all though.” Natsu glared at her.

“There’s more?”

He felt ill to his stomach. What could possibly be worse than what she’d just told him?

“We don’t know the exact circumstances around what caused this coma. Her sustained injuries have me worried that she’ll become disabled. It’s not certain she’ll be able to walk or talk like before.”

“What,” he hissed. “Why didn’t you tell me that earlier!?”

“I did tell you, you were just too busy throwing a hissyfit to listen.” If eyes could kill, Natsu would be ten feet under. “I’m not saying there’s nothing to be done, though.”

Natsu almost perked up. He didn’t dare have any high hopes, but a spark of possibility had shown itself: maybe she’d end up okay. Just maybe.

“What we know from the mission is that the client requested protection from a snow monster. Its estimated strength was around ten times the strength of a vulcan, and not only that – it was said to use strange curses. As curses are unregulated, we’re not sure what could have caused exactly this, but we understand that she got thrown headfirst into the mountain. It was Loke that brought her back, but due to how different the time flows in the celestial world, she’d already been out in the snow for a couple of hours.” Porlyusica tried to summarize again what had happened, considering Natsu had been too worried to listen the first time. “We already have Levy, Freed and Makarov working to figure out the curse, but there’s something I want you to do in the meantime.”

Natsu perked up, listening intently. If he could do something, anything, to get her back, he’d do it without a second thought.

“You need to keep her warm.”

“I can do that!” Natsu almost laughed in relief. He’s a dragon slayer – warming things was the thing he did best!

“You have to make the transition steady though. If you heat her up too quickly she could go into shock. Do you understand? You have to start by warming her with your body heat. This is important, you cannot rush things like these.” Porlyusica narrowed her eyes. If he got careless Lucy’s health could be in danger.

“Body heat? So what do I do, just warm her with my hands? It’s gonna take ages.” He fidgeted with his hands, suddenly more impatient than usual. Not to warm Lucy, specifically, just to get her treatment started. He understood how important it was to follow Porlyusica’s instructions: she’d never been wrong about this before.

“Do you remember back when Fiore was at war with Alvarez? You had that tumour in you, and you too were passed out in a coma. Back then, your fire was going out: you were rapidly freezing to death. Lucy was the one who kept you alive, and she did so with skin to skin contact. Today I need you to do the same.”

Goosebumps appeared on Natsu’s arms as he recalled. That was a time he didn’t think fondly of. He went through a lot of hardship back then, even if waking up to Lucy and Happy was something that had given him relief at the time. That’s right, where was Happy?

“Y-yeah, I’ll do it,” he mumbled scattermindedly. “Do you know where Happy went? I rushed here so fast, I’m not sure I told him what was going on…”

Porlyusica sighed. This boy was something else, wasn’t he? Not in the best way either, she feared.

“While you were yelling and getting mad, trying to run to the client of her mission for revenge, I explained everything to him. He’s already gotten a head start. I urge you to join him.” This time her glare was comparable to lazer, earning a hard gulp from Natsu. Still, he was relieved to hear Happy wasn’t in the dark: he knew how much those two meant for each other. If Lucy fell ill and Happy couldn’t be there to help… He didn’t want to think of it. Happy had been much more protective of Lucy ever since he felt Future Lucy die. That went for Natsu too of course.

___

Natsu gulped again and looked back at Porlyusica. Lucy layed behind those hospital drapes, shallow breaths filling up the room. Her scent did its usual work of calming him, but he noticed that it didn’t carry in the air like usual. He was sure that curse and her lack of body heat had something to do with it.

Porlyusica had turned around as she let Natsu undress. She’d seen him in this light attire before, but as a healer she had some courtesy to at least wait until he was finished. Natsu awkwardly cleared his throat, breaking the silence that had filled the room.

“Do I… Take off my underwear?” Porlyusica nearly choked on her own spit.

“No. Please don’t. For all our sake. She’s still a lady.” The last sentence was muttered in a voice barely louder than a whisper, but Natsu heard it. Still, he didn’t want to do anything wrong. “Are you done?”

“Yeah,” he mumbled, feeling his arms hang along his sides. This situation was so odd. He wasn’t exactly shy, but being bare like this in a serious situation felt vulnerable. He wanted to wear his scarf, but she had rejected that idea as soon as he said it. Something about the neck being an important area as a heat source.

Porlyusica turned around, not sparing him as much as a glance. Instead she headed straight to the curtains and drew them to the side. There she was. Under a couple of blankets. So still that he’d be worried for her life didn’t he hear her pulse. It was faint, a bit irregular, but there. He’d made sure to really listen for it this time.

“What are you waiting for? Join her.” The healer motioned at the bed.

“It’s so small though…” he puzzled. If he had a Jewel for every time Porlyusica sent him a stare that was out to kill, he’d have enough money to buy not just Lucy’s apartment, but her entire apartment building. He took that as a sign to keep quiet if he was about to question Porlyusica’s methods.

“You’re gonna need to cuddle close anyways, just hurry up. We’ve already wasted too much time.”

Natsu took a shaky breath and lifted Lucy’s blanket. Her bluish pale hands laying against her sides made his heart drop. This was really serious. Just because this was a treatment that could help, didn’t mean that her health would perfectly return. If anything, this was just another flighty attempt to heal her. Surely it wouldn’t benefit her as much as lifting the curse: had Natsu been smarter, maybe he could have helped her faster.

He shook his head. No, he had to focus on what he could do here and now. Worrying about things that could have been wouldn’t help at all, even if he was right about this body-warming treatment only helping a little. It might just be the thing that would keep her away from this brain damage thing Porlyusica had been talking about. He finally crawled into bed beside her.

Cold. She was really cold. His first instinct was to make his own body heat higher, but as he was about to he heard Porlyusica’s warnings echo in his mind. If he didn’t take this slow, new complications could arise. He just had to slowly get used to this sensation.

Porlyusica suddenly spoke up.

“Now, I don’t want you just laying there doing nothing.”

Natsu sent her a confused look. Wasn’t this what she’d asked him to do?

“You need to talk to her. Say her name. Whatever happened on her mission, I’m growing increasingly uncertain of her coma being caused by a concussion. If anything, it’s more likely that it’s a magic coma. And if it’s a curse, nothing helps breaking it better than love. You need to call out to her.”

For the first time in a very long time, Natsu felt himself blush. Just faintly, but the indication that his love for Lucy would be the thing to wake her up, made him feel weird inside. Not a bad weird, just… weird.

“She did the same to you,” she added, only pouring gasoline on the fire inside of him. “If I didn’t think this was important I’d ask for someone else for help, much earlier. Elfman has a large body, he could easily get her to a normal body temp.”

This time, her implications made Natsu tense up instead. He didn’t like the thought of that giant muscle head cuddling with Lucy, skin to skin. He instinctively wrapped his arm around her waist, as to protect her from whatever googly eyed guy that would come waltzing in, in hopes to join them under her blanket.

“Don’t look so stupid. Getting angry gets you nowhere. Anyway, you’re the one who has to do this. If anything can wake her, whether she’s under a curse or not, it’s the connection you share. So I need you to talk to her.”

Natsu once again felt weird inside. He couldn’t pin the feeling down: was it that he felt vulnerable? Or that he felt embarrassed, doing all this in front of someone else? It was awfully intimate after all. Happy was one thing, but having another person listen to him calling out her name like a lost, desperate puppy? Well, awkward or not, it had to be done. He cleared his throat again and looked back at Lucy with determination. He felt his arms lightly shake her from a natural body reaction.

“Lucy,” he tried, his voice sounding weak in the still room. “Hey Lucy, come on… Wake up, would’ya?”

For the first time since Natsu entered the room, Happy spoke up. He seemed like he was in his own world, dazed in worry. Hearing Natsu must have made him realise what had been going on around him.

“Lushy…” The nasal croak he let out made it clear he’d been crying. Natsu envied him a little: he wanted to cry too, but if he did he was sure he’d have a complete breakdown. He had to focus on getting her awake – crying wasn’t an option. Porlyusica shifted her weight. It looked like she wanted to sit down, but she had to join the others with coming up with a cure soon.

“You have to try harder than that Natsu. A tip to not feel like you’re going crazy just repeating her name, is to recall old memories. It’ll keep you busy from anxiety and worry, plus it’ll strengthen your and her resolve. Besides, it’ll make your bond feel stronger. I think that could be beneficial in a case like this.” Porlyusica watched as Natsu turned her words in his mind, trying to understand exactly what she meant. “I’ll trust you to do this now, don’t let her down.”

With those words Porlyusica left the infirmary, leaving Natsu and Happy with their unconscious friend.

Natsu held Lucy close, her icy skin a sharp contrast to the heat radiating from his body. Carefully he glanced at Happy, who looked like he was close to dissociating. If he didn’t start talking now, he’d probably have to deal with two traumatised people who meant a lot to him, and he wasn’t sure if he had the strength to do that.

This thought was enough to kick him into action. He swallowed hard, his voice low and trembling as he spoke.

"Lucy… you’ve gotta come back. You can’t leave us like this." Carefully he grabbed her hand, her fingertips almost blue from lack of blood circulation. His grip tightened just slightly, as if willing her to feel the warmth spreading from his fingers. "I don’t know what happened out there, but I’m here now, okay? So… so just wake up."

He took a shaky breath, tangling his legs with hers, just like he’d done so many times before in her apartment. This time it was different. This entire situation made him want to cringe, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.Why her out of all people? He’d never been the one who solved problems tenderly. He could fight, get revenge, he’d always been confident of his ability to do grand gestures to fix what was wrong. He couldn’t handle things with care, make out nuances in language, emotion or even a thing like physical hurt. If Lucy ever got injured she’d be honest and frank: sure, she tried to go on for a little bit longer than she should, even while having deep gushes through her legs or shoulders popped out of place. But she was honest enough about it that Natsu always knew what to do about it: sear the opening of the wound, fetch Wendy, pop her bones back into place. Those things were child's play in comparison to this. Now he had to carefully heat her up, not too quickly but not too slowly either, while calling out to her, pulling on whatever strings they had on each other’s unconsciousness. He was aware of the connection they shared, and he was normally confident in it: at times he felt like they shared one and the same mind. But this? He wasn’t so sure it was enough anymore.

"You’re always the one who’s there for everyone," he continued, his voice breaking just a little. "You never give up, no matter how bad things get. That’s who you are. So don’t stop now, Lucy. Please… just don’t."

Happy joined in through whispers in her ear, not daring to raise his voice in case it’d crack. Natsu felt his heart break a little as he watched him hold on to Lucy for dear life. It was one thing that Natsu felt like this, but Happy wasn’t meant to be sad: he had spent his whole life making sure he would get the childhood Natsu never got. For him to have to almost lose Lucy twice: it was a pain Natsu could barely cope with himself. He was genuinely worried about his furry friend.

Still, he had to stay focused. He remembered what Porlyusica had told him, about memories being an effective way to keep his anxiety at bay, while still grasping at Lucy’s unconscious.

His thoughts raced, memories flashing through his mind. The way she’d smiled when they took their first job together, the way she’d always trusted him to catch her when she’d fall, how she always knew what to say to get him to keep moving forward.

"Hey, Lucy… You gotta wake up, you know? I promised you we’d go on more adventures, back when we fought against Future Rogue and…" His voice cracked, he still didn’t dare finish that sentence. "Whenever I was a wreck, you were there. You didn’t give up on me, not even for a second. So now it’s my turn, Lucy. I’m not giving up on you."

Happy’s soft, tearful voice chimed in from beside them. "Lushy… we need you. Please wake up."

Natsu’s jaw clenched. He would do anything to get her out of this. He just wished he could do something more effective. Deep in his stomach he felt his fire work it’s magic: he’d been suppressing it so he wouldn’t warm her up too quickly, so to not slip up and unleash a heat wave on the three of them, he took a deep breath.

“I… Guess this is the time to tell you how thankful we are that we met you all those years ago.” Happy met Natsu’s flickering gaze, sharing a small encouraging nod. “We really are thankful. Like, we’d probably be dead if it weren’t for you.” He tried to chuckle at the attempt of a joke, but Happy didn’t seem as pleased. Natsu cleared his throat.

“What I’m trying to say is… well… we can’t imagine a life without you. If I ever had to go back to only sleeping in my swine sty of a house, instead of being with you everyday, I’m not sure I’d be able to keep my sanity. Even when you scream and do all kinds of weird stuff, we need you.”

“Lushy,” Happy sniffled, “what would I do if I had to go back to only living with Natsu? I’d starve! He burns my fish and everything else we own…”

“Oh come on! You’ve survived up till now!” Natsu protested, but couldn’t bring himself to actually find a counter argument. He was telling the truth after all. Happy glared at him and continued talking.

“I know he’s really stupid,” he began, earning a stern frown from Natsu, “but I think he might be the one who’d hate it the most if you died. But that aside, I don’t think I could stand losing you again.” Tears were once again pouring out of his eyes. “You’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to an actual proper mom…”

The last part would have been impossible for Natsu to hear, hadn’t it been for his dragon-hearing. He swallowed the big knot in his throat that threatened to come out as a sob. He didn’t know Happy had felt so strongly about Lucy, though it made sense as he heard it. Of course she was like a mom to him: she was perfect like that. Caring, worrisome at times, but always loving.

“Hey, you heard him, right? You can’t leave Happy after he tells you something like that, can you? So hurry and wake up… You’d never forgive me if I scared you like this, so come on…”

“But you did scare us like that though,” Happy argued.

“Oh can it,” Natsu muttered, raising his body temperature another degree.

While continuing talking, mixing the casual bickering with emotional anecdotes, Natsu started massaging Lucy’s right hand, the one with her guild mark. Laying there, he realised that the colour of it really was the exact same shade as his hair. The thought tugged on his heartstrings. Had she even meant for that to happen, when he made her join Fairy Tail all those years ago? Had she always been determined that it would be the two of them – and Happy of course – teaming up? Even if that wasn’t the case, if it had been her unconscious that picked the shade of pink so close to his hair, he still wanted to tear up. The two of them were so incredibly attached, to the point where Natsu couldn’t even imagine a life without her anymore.

He continued observing her hand as he massaged her soft skin. It was slender, a nuance less blue than it had been when he laid down with her some minutes ago. This realisation sparked some hope within him. They were helping her: it was working. Continuing the talking, letting his mouth speak whatever flew into his brain, he simultaneously went on thinking about her hand. When she proudly showed it off to him when her mark was new, it had been in pristine condition. Soft, flawless, not a callus or scar in sight. Her nails had been long, carefully taken care of, painted a light pink that almost seemed nude in comparison to the bright pink guild mark. As he looked at it now, it was covered in scars. Some cuts from falling on gravel, some webbing up her wrist like veins. He knew that must have been reminiscent of when she rewrote E.N.D. for him. Another constellation of scars resembled shattering, likely scars from when she had to summon the Celestial Spirit King back when they fought Tartarus. Most of these scars gave Natsu shivers. They were all pale and faded now, but he knew they must cause Lucy pain every day. To carry her biggest joy and her worst pain on the same hand seemed taxing.

He brought her fingers up to his lips, pressed them against them lightly. Then he embraced her, letting her limp, cool body rest against his. Her skin was so soft, but he didn’t enjoy this fake cuddle session: he wanted her to be awake, or even asleep would be better: even when she was asleep she ended up reciprocating his cuddles. This made him feel like he was hugging a corpse, and it was quickly rated as one of his least favourite sensations.

In his new position he could hug her from behind, the many pillows propped up behind his back making him sit up slightly. This allowed for Lucy’s head to rest on his chest, right by his collarbones. Carefully he nudged her a little bit to the left. Maybe his heartbeat could aid them in some way: he wasn’t sure how, but it couldn’t help to try. Happy nudged himself between Natsu’s embracing arm and Lucy’s chest, covering up what would be a very revealing view hadn’t he laid there. Any other day her nudity would be arousing for Natsu, but today it didn’t have that effect. Rather than arousing, it gave him a sense of security. Their bodies, pressed against each other, like clinging on to Lucy’s soul for dear life.

He rested his lips on the top of her head for a while. Happy was in the middle of yapping about Lisanna, his biological mom and Lucy, when Natsu suddenly felt her arm twitch. It was small, and he’d disregard it as his imagination hadn’t he heard her breath hitch at the same time.

“Lucy?” He hugged her tighter, squashing Happy a little in the process. “Happy, I think she’s responding. She just twitched! Keep talking,” he urged, nuzzling his face into her neck. He was certain of it: she had reacted.

Suddenly his resolve increased tenfold, his fiery determination bubbling to the surface. He didn’t care how long this took—he’d stay by her side until she opened her eyes.

"Lucy," he said, his tone growing stronger, more resolute. "I’m not going anywhere, got it? You’re stuck with me, so you’d better wake up and yell at us for being too loud or something. You always do."

Once again he thought he saw the faintest flicker of movement—a twitch of her fingers against his hand. His breath hitched.

"Lucy? Come on, it’s me. Natsu." He leaned closer to her ear, her smell filling his head until he felt completely intoxicated. His voice dropped to a near whisper. "I need you. We all do. So please… wake up."

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, slowly, her lips parted, and a faint sound escaped.

"N… Natsu…"

His eyes widened, hope surging through him like a wildfire. "Lucy!”

Happy dried his eyes that were puffy from all the crying he’d done. He was quick to jump out of their embrace.

“I’ll go get Porlyusica!” He almost left the room before he turned back, lifted her blanket a little to cover the goods, and then hurried away. Natsu barely registered his actions, his focus being completely tuned in on Lucy.

With a split moment alone, Natsu almost felt overwhelmed with the silence. She’d called out his name, though only faint, but instead of her heartbeat rising to accommodate her waking up, it seemed like it was slightly fading. Worry filled Natsu’s head, the anxiety shooting out prickling sensations in his arms and legs.

“Lucy, what’s going on? Why’s your heartbeat slowing down?” His high pitch made the worry apparent, but he didn’t care. “Shit, come on! Stay with me!”

He rocked their bodies back and forth in hope that he’d manage to keep her heart pulsing. It was quickly made apparent that it wasn’t enough, when for a split moment her heart missed a beat.

This time he couldn’t conceal his panic. No one was nearby, Lucy was fading away by the second, and all Natsu could do was choke out a small “Please…”. He didn’t know what to do, tears welling up in his eyes faster than he was prepared for.

“Don’t leave…” he croaked, sobs filling the silence. “Shit, Lucy, I can’t live without you… I love you…”

Had he not been busy pressing her lukewarm cheek against his, rocking them back and forth, and trying to swallow the sobs that leaked out anyways, he’d notice that his confession pulled Lucy’s heartbeat back for a few seconds. But he didn’t notice this: instead he continued his endeavors of grasping whatever life was left in her.

“Lucy, Lucy, Lucy… Please…” He opened his eyes again, quickly regretting it as they soaked Lucy’s face in the salty liquid. He wanted to see her face properly, take in her soft features before it was too late. He grabbed her face with his free hand, slowly letting his thumb caress her cheek. His blurred vision made him miss how her eyebrows twitched into a furrow. Instead he let his heart steer his actions: he didn’t know what else to do.

Pushing her bangs out of her face, Natsu let his lips land on hers. Softly, his hot ones on Lucy’s dry cold ones. His chin quivered – he didn’t want his first kiss with her to be his last one. In fact, he never wanted his first kiss to be with Lucy while she was unconscious at all. He had thought of their relationship for a long time, even imagining them having their first kiss under the stars after a dinner that would leave both of them too stuffed to walk. They were supposed to be joking around, laughing, and he’d look at her, look into her brown, sparkling eyes, that held a universe inside of them, and he wouldn’t be able to contain himself, so he’d lean in and kiss her: and she’d kiss him back. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, in a sterile bed, in the infirmary that had too bright lights, naked under blankets, Lucy dying in his hands.

Still, he didn’t dare to stop kissing her. And good thing he didn’t, because suddenly, for him out of nowhere, he felt her kiss him back.

In shock he pulled away, his eyes big as plates.

“L-lucy? You’re…” Silent tears kept falling onto Lucy’s face. Her eyelids fluttered, and after what felt like an eternity, they opened, her brown eyes glassy but unmistakably alive. She blinked up at him, her voice hoarse but clear.

"You’re… warm," she murmured, her lips curling into a weak but familiar smile.

Natsu laughed, tears streaming down his face. “Don’t scare me like that…” he muttered, a blush spreading across his face before he could stop it. "But you’re back. That’s all that matters."

Lucy slowly brought her hand up, cupping Natsu’s cheek.

“Did you kiss me?”

Natsu avoided her eyes, awkwardly tensing up.

“I thought Porlyusica said you’d have brain damage or something…” Lucy was quick to hit him on his arm.

“Are you stupid? Don’t wish I wouldn’t understand something like that!” Her voice was shrill, cutting through Natsu’s ears like knives, but today he didn’t care about that. He was insanely happy to have her back to normal.

He let out a chuckle, albeit against his own will.

“It’s not like I hoped for our first kiss to be like that.”

Lucy just smiled. She had put out a lot of energy right as she woke up: truth was, she still felt exhausted and honestly a bit dizzy. After getting a good look at Natsu, taking in his worried frown, his wet cheeks and reddened eyes, she closed her eyes again.

“What are you?! Lucy! Wake up!” He violently shook her this time, not allowing her to fade away again.

“Calm down,” she puffed, “I just need to rest a little.” Slowly she sneaked one eye open, observing Natsu as his wrinkle became more prominent.

“How do I know you won’t die in your sleep?”

“Well, for one you don’t keep believing that I will. Don’t manifest it.” She tried to joke, but it was apparent Natsu didn’t understand what she meant. She sighed. “Just… Stay here, please?”

She turned her body around so she laid on her stomach on top of him. It was at this moment she realised the attire they both were in.

“Natsu..?” She whispered against his chest.

“Yeah?” Natsu had started rubbing his hand against her back in a repetitive motion. This time he was making sure she’d stay alive.

“Why are we naked?”

Natsu didn’t know if the sound he let out was a chuckle or a sob – perhaps a mix of both. It was such a relief to hear her worry about her usual things.

“Don’t ya’ worry ‘bout it,” he smiled, continuing to rub her back.

“Well that’s not suspicious,” she mumbled as she slowly fell back to sleep. This time it felt better for Natsu: her body was warmer, her arms were hugging him back, and now he knew any major damages could be disregarded.

That’s when he heard Happy let out a cry of joy, flying up to nuzzle against her cheek. "Lushy! You’re okay!"

Natsu hurried to push him away with a harsh “shh”. Happy would start an argument hadn’t he seen the corners of Lucy’s mouth curl into a soft smile, her eyes opening briefly to greet her feline friend. Her heart twinged at his tearful eyes, but she still managed to give him a playful blink. She wanted to assure him she’d be back to normal soon. Porlyusica stepped forward into the room, her expression as stern as ever, but a hint of relief apparent in her eyes.

"She’s not out of the woods yet. Keep her warm and let her rest. But this… this is a good sign."

Natsu nodded, his arms tightening protectively around Lucy. 

"Ya’ don’t gotta worry. I have her."

Lucy’s eyes drifted closed again, her breathing steadying as she slipped into a more peaceful sleep. Happy hugged her shoulder tightly. He was so relieved that she was okay. And Natsu? He was beyond relief. If he could, he would have cloned himself so one of his bodies could do a celebratory dance, meanwhile the other could stay here, holding her tight, making sure she could stay comfortable for as long as she needed. He didn’t know any cloning magic though, so he let his imaginary clone work the floor beside the bed while Porlyusica hurried around the two of them, counting Lucy’s heartbeat, drawing her blood for testing, checking her pupils for dilating. Despite the worrying things she was doing to her, Natsu managed to stay calm. Maybe it was the deep breaths he felt against his torso, or the tiny, almost invisible nudging Lucy did to get her body closer to his, but Natsu felt at peace.

Everything would be fine. He wouldn’t let her go:  not now – not ever.

[sophswritingthings]

SIXTH PART LOL 😸😸😸

So now the reader and Mizu are so well Acquainted that soon they get married to each other but it was literally just a small wedding and when i say small I mean Mizu proposes and says some sappy stuff and Reader says something sappy as well and then they call it a day. (MIZU AND READER DESERVES A BEAUTIFUL WEDDING IMO).

Mizu is out doing whatever and reader is at home making dinner and BAM someone breaks in again (Girly needs better security honestly 🤨🤨) and she goes straight for the kill with her ninja stars and Kunais but the guy is really good at dodging them and goes like "all that training and you still can't throw properly" and shown to be her dad and she starts to fight him and asks why he's here and he says he's here to collect Mizu for her bounty and reader ain't letting that slide.

They start to fight and reader has the upper hand during the first part of the fight, but then her dad pulls a quick one and starts to talk about how her siblings are all dead and it's her fault and she starts to cry and gets pinned against the wall (Via neck btw) and Mizu comes home to seeing reader crying and pinned against the wall.

Readers dad comes for Mizu and an epic showdown happens and Mizu wins ofc but reader is left crying on the ground and cue a fluffy scene where Mizu kisses readers head and comforts her (via pulling her to a hug and into her lap while reader cries abt her siblings).

pairing: mizu x fem!apothecary!reader

warning(s): blood, injury, swearing

a/n: damn reader is just getting SLAMMED. also yes, she very much needs better security 😭

summary: the ask summarizes it I’d say

word count: 977 words / 5,291 characters 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the two of you were taking a walk, along the mountains, hands clasped together—like you'd never let go. little did you know… that was the plan.

mizu stopped in her tracks.

you paused, turning around to face her.

“uh, mizu? Is something wrong?”

no, nothing was wrong. 

she grabbed one of your hands again, rubbing her fingers over your knuckles. you continued to look at her, confused by her behavior. 

“we’ve been seeing each other for a while, now, (y/n),” she murmured, glancing up from your hands. “if this were.. traditional, we would be considered married.”

your eyes widened. was she really…

“I wanted to know, if we possibly.. could, be married.” she said rather bluntly, “I love you, (y/n), more than I have ever loved anyone. If you would accept my hand, in marriage, that would make me happier than I have ever been.”

you were close to tears, at this point. hearing her proclamation of love for you, it warmed your heart.

“yes,” you whispered. “yes—I love you, mizu, I really do. I’ve never loved someone so much,” you rest your forehead against hers. “but it isn’t like we can have a ceremony.”

she nods a little, holding your waist. “this is enough for me. we don’t need anything special… just to call you my wife is enough.”

you're humming softly, making you and your wife dinner. she was out, probably trying to collect information again—usually that came up with nothing—and you were waiting for her to return.

knock.

Knock.

KNOCK.

the beating got progressively louder, sitting off a red alert in your head. you grabbed your stars and kunai's, ready to protect yourself.

wasn’t the first time you had to do so..

as the man burst through the door; you couldn’t see his face. his face was concealed, and he was dressed in all black. you had no clue who he was; but he was going down.

you begin to toss your weapons at him, trying to either pin him or kill him, at worst. 

he laughs, a big bellowed laugh, dodging each and every one, “all that training and you still can’t throw properly, can you?”

you stop in your tracks as he tossed off his mask. your eyes widen, your eyes wide—they begin to sparkle with tears. a man you feared so very much; he'd shown up at your doorstep.

“what the fuck are you doing here?” you ask, your voice raspy with emotion.

“I am here to collect the onryō that resides here,” he takes a pace toward you. “I know you're hiding him, little flower. I am here to collect him for a bounty. where is he?”

your eyes narrowed to slits, “you mean my husband?” you grumble, “yeah, I don’t think so.”

he scoffs, “husband? i always knew you were a fucking idiot, but this? marrying an onyrō? I thought you were at least better than that, little flower.”

you launch yourself at him, knocking him off his feet. you tussle and tumble for a few moments, knocking over flowers and vases along the way.

“your siblings are gone, and it is all your goddamn fault. and now.. married to a demon?” he scoffed. you stopped. you were holding his collar, a kunai pointed at his throat. “they died. they're all fucking dead, because of you. after you ran away; they had no one to protect them.. their big sister abandoned them, and they died in your wake.”

you shook your head, your entire body shaking as you began  to cry.

“I-it isn’t my fault, y-you—“

“trying to pin this on your father? how pathetic,” he pushed you to wall, pushing a kunai through the skin of your throat.

you cried out in pain; pinned to the wall with a kunai through your neck—

“now where is the onryō?” he hissed.

“onryō? I’m right here.”

your eyes snap open as you hear mizu's voice, a small ensemble of relief washing over you.

“ah, there you are,” he released his grip from you, turning to face mizu. “prepare to die.”

“prepare to die?“ she scoffed, tossing off her overcoat, hat and glasses. “I’ve been prepared to die since the day I was born, do you seriously think I am scared of the idea?”

mizu reached for her katana, unsheathing the sword in one fell swoop. she narrowed her eyes, gazing at your father.

“I think it is you who should be prepared,” she hissed. “you were dead the minute you laid a hand on my wife.”

he lunged at mizu, his blade attempting to slice her waist, but she was too quick—she moved with speed and stealth, her moves unable to be accounted for.

he turned on his heels, yet another attempt to slide her in half—but to no avail. he missed once more, and this time, mizu grabbed her sword—sweeping past his waist in one precise, clean cut as she moved past him.

he stopped moving.

his body fell limp.

you watched the scene unfold; your father's body falling into two halves, blood gushing from both sides.

mizu turned to you in an instant, pulling the kunai from your neck. you cried out in pain, falling into her arms, sobbing.

she moves you to the floor, pulling you into her lap in a tight hug.

“It’s okay.. it’s okay,” she whispered, brushing her hand through your hair. “he's not something you have to worry about ever again.”

“I-it’s all my fault,” you whimper. “t-they’re all dead because of me, mizu.”

“no. no, don’t think like that, my love,” she hissed. “it isn’t your fault. It’s that monsters fault. and he’s dead; you can rest now.”

you nodded, burying your head in her neck.

she kissed the top of your head, pulling you into a tighter hug. she never wanted to let you be hurt ever again—

—and she wouldn’t.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: the mizu gifs are killing me bro. SHES SO HOT

[aphroditestearsofjoy]

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐈 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭 📜

Before my new schoolyear starts I want to write a guide on how I am going to keep up with all my subjects. I will also include my study habits for this year, since they make sure I have the time and mindset in order to properly study.

𝕊𝕥𝕦𝕕𝕪 𝕙𝕒𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤:

🪷 I prelearn for every subject (except old Greek and Latin). That means I study the concepts before class, so I can use class for revision and ask all my questions.

🪷 Make a week overview of what needs to be done, then decide every morning what schoolwork to focus on. This way it's easier to adjust to unexpected plans.

🪷 When summarizing, I make sure I understand everything that I write down. If I don't, I will search for more information until I can explain it in my own words!

🪷 Nothing gets me in the mood to study, like making tea. I will make herbal tea or a matcha latte while grabbing everything I need to study after school.

𝕃𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕟/ 𝕆𝕝𝕕 𝔾𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕜:

🪷 The last few years I haven't studied a lot of words, to make up for it, I want to pay a little bit of extra attention to studying words. If I know more words, translating will go way easier since I won't have to search up every word in the dictionary. On school days and Sundays, I will study words for 10 minutes a day for either old Greek or Latin. I will study the words using Studygo (huge recommendation for other Dutch folks).

🪷 Another thing I lack with both subjects is my knowledge about grammar. And this is a HUGE problem while doing homework, translating texts and for finishing tests on time. I know how to use grammar, but I don't know most of it by heart. So I will study grammar for 10 minutes a day for both subjects on schooldays and Sundays until I've caught up. From then on, I will only occasionally memorize grammar. Studying grammar consists of literary saying it aloud like some song or poem until I know it well enough and then writing it down way too many times.

🪷 I also want to practise translating more. Since this is the most important skill for both subjects and I haven't done most of my work for the past years, I will make up for it by practising easier texts. Every Sunday, I will translate an extra paragraph for each subject that I will let my teachers correct the following Monday. I will do this until I am satisfied with my translating abilities.

🪷 This year I want to make all my homework for old Greek and Latin. Past years I skipped most of the work, and now I notice that I need more practise. I will study a few days before a test, but nothing more.

𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕙:

🪷 I love maths (controversial opinion, I know). But I believe that when you understand maths, you will love it! But how do you understand it? You should memorize the basics. When you study about a specific topic, watch or read an explanation and make notes. Make sure to make space in the notes for the basics, like concepts you've already learned that has a connection with your new topic. In order to make sure I know how to properly use the topic, I will solve or write down the solution of a practise question next to an explanation as to who I took that step. If I were to get really lost later on, I can follow these steps, but with the new question. Then the most important thing: Practise a lot! Even if it's hard at first. The more problems you solve, the more problems you get. You don't want to waste time when you don't know what to do. So read the question and start thinking what you need to do to solve it. If you genuinely don't have an any idea, look at the solution. But, you won't just look at the solution, you will study it, you look at the steps they take and ask yourself with every step why they took that specific step. When you are done studying the answer, make the question again. I personally write down the questions I struggled with most, to practise them again for my exam!

ℙ𝕙𝕪𝕤𝕚𝕔𝕤:

🪷 Physics is my favourite and one of my best subjects. I always start out with summarizing the concepts in my own words. The biggest problem I have with physics is understanding all the concepts that I can use them together. To make sure I get everything, I summarize. The parts I do not understand, I will watch a video about. Then I start with making exercises, I will look through the exercises and make at least one about every concept. I will make more about the concepts that didn't go well, until I get them right. To prepare for tests, I read through my summary and make lots of practise questions. I will revise everything that didn't go well and remake the questions that went wrong.

ℂ𝕙𝕖𝕞𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕣𝕪:

🪷 When studying chemistry, I mainly try to focus on practise. I would start out with reading the learning outcomes and then actively the entire text. I mark thing I find important, write the questions down that come to mind when reading, and connect information. Then I make a small summary in the format of a mind map. I write down only the most important concepts. Then I start making a lot of exercises about the concept, until I can do them comfortably and without mistakes. Afterwards, I make flashcards using the learning outcomes. By doing this afterwards I make sure I know the best way to answer, and with chemistry lots of question come up while doing the work. When studying for a test, I use the flashcards and remaking the questions I struggled most with.

𝔻𝕦𝕥𝕔𝕙:

🪷 This year I'm preparing for my Dutch finals. To work on my skill, I mainly have to make past finals. I really want to make a summary about all the concepts that come back on the finals. But other that, we mainly have exercises that I can't prepare in advance for. I do really want to expand my vocabulary, because it makes me feel fancy. I should start reading the news more, that way I will also be more informed about the world.

𝔼𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕙:

🪷 This year I am taking a Cambridge English exam. My goal is to score a C-Level (advanced). In order to do this I must work on my grammar, vocabulary, writings and listening. I will tackle each property with a guide on how to get better at them.

🪷 My grammar is pretty good, my only problem. I don't know the actual rules. When writing, having a grammatical correct structure kind of happens on its own. Most of the time, that's very helpful, but when I have to point out mistakes in high quality or older texts, I can't. In order to work on this, I would recommend using an actual book. The one I'm starting out with this year is "Advanced Grammar in Use with Answers' from Martin Hewings. I will work through it by reading the theory, using it on my own, and then making the exercises in the book.

🪷 To expand my vocabulary I will write down new words I see when interacting with English content and books and study them. The goal is to learn 30 words a week. I will add all the words to an anki list, so that I can keep practising older words.

🪷 During the proficiency exam it's expected from you that you are able to write formal letters, essays, reports and reviews. To practise, I will write one of these a week and ask my teacher for feedback. I will also use the writing site from Cambridge, where they I've you a writing a prompt, and you can submit your text and let them corrected by professionals. For people who are not able to ask their teacher for help, I would recommend using ChatGPT. Although this is not ideal, it will still help you improve.

🪷 By listening to a daily podcast in English, I will practise my listening skills. It's very important to practise your English listening skills without visual guidance. Of course watching movies will help you improve, but if you want to improve in the shortest amount of time, you need to listen to audios.

ℍ𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪:

🪷 I personally find history one of the easiest subjects to study. I study history by chapter and not by paragraph. I always read through the entire chapter and then make a timeline with all the information. So I will include all the concepts, names and everything else in my timeline. Then I will study it by talking through it like I am teaching someone. Every time I miss something while explaining, I will memorize it again. I write down all the most important concepts down a few times, so I will remember how they are spelled and don't make any mistakes on my test! I don't make many exercises since they don't really help me that much. But if I have the time and energy, I make a few of the questions that were asked on previous finals.

𝔹𝕚𝕠𝕝𝕠𝕘𝕪:

🪷 Biology is a very information heavy subject, and I find that it's pretty easy to get lost in all the concepts. I have a pretty strict guide for myself, so I can study biology in the least amount of time. I will start out by reading the learning outcomes for the paragraph, so I know what the most important things are. Then I start actively reading through the paragraph. I mark thing I find important, write the questions down that come to mind when reading, and connect information. Afterwards, I will summarize everything in a mind map. Not just one mind map for every chapter, but one for every group of concepts that fit together well. These mind maps are very big and have all the relevant information, that's why you should minimize the amount of topics on a mind map, because otherwise it won't fit. Then I make the most important exercises and start studying the summaries by pretending that I'm giving a presentation about them, everything that I forget to mention I will memorize again. The day before the test, I will write down the explanation of all the learning outcomes from memory and correct them. Lastly, l review all the concepts that I lacked in.

Be sure to like, comment and reblog! If you like my content, consider buying me a book. <3 Sending you all the love, ~ Pearl 🐚

[mecachrome]

Hi K! I saw this TikTok yesterday (https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT21XXxV3/) and I kind of just wanted your take on the situation.

I’ve tried to briefly read what I could about the situation between Oscar and Alpine but you might be aware of more? I’m just wondering things like… was it mainly an Oscar decision? Do you think/know what was the catalyst for the move to McLaren was? How might it have affected Oscar when he first started f1 in 2023? Do you think it had an effect on Lando/Oscar getting to know each other early on for maybe the good or bad? I didn’t become an Oscar, landoscar, McLaren fan until 2024 so it’s all about out of reach for me. I would just love your opinion on things!

Sorry for the long ask!

bless your heart anon but i did not expect to open that link to an aaron burr song 😭

i'd love to discuss it more though!!! i kind of cover this in my oscar primer but i'm happy to delve into the alpine situation specifically. also i always like pointing to this article from when everything went down because i feel it summarizes the contract stuff pretty well! 

anyway, to begin with—oscar joined the rsa in 2020 because eurocup winners are automatically offered an academy spot, which means alpine never specifically "scouted" him (not that it matters for anything but just some context i guess). this is also when he met mark, who proved to be a fairly important main character in the contractual proceedings.

some background on alpine as a team is that... THEY'RE A JOKE!!! sorry. the problem with alpine actually is that renault has a sizable government stake in it which kind of restricts its vision / effectiveness / seriousness as a formula 1 outfit. honestly the problem with the french ladder itself is that it's WAY centralized in a way few other countries' are, which is why french drivers are kind of all Like That with one another (childhood sponsor trauma/ffsa drama. but that's neither here nor there). anyway in the case of oscar and many other juniors, alpine proved to be such a resounding failure at properly promoting them into actual f1 seats because it treats itself like a frontrunner while managing itself like and having the admin resources of an f4 team... hence the crb's involvement!

the main problem at the time was ceo laurent rossi, who joined alpine in 2021 with its branding overhaul and was like You Know What? Who Needs A TP! EYE can do all that!!!!!!! when he, in fact, could not do all that (ok exaggerating but they were running a "multi-pronged" leadership structure with him + multiple directors which is like... Fine if you HAVE A TEAM PRINCIPAL and then split the technical directors, like mclaren are doing under andrea. but they were just doing anything man. and it was kind of understood that rossi was pulling all the strings). also worth noting that he was the ceo of the alpine sportscar brand overall too and not just the f1 team lol. he would eventually appoint otmar to be the tp, but i will say that like he was 99% running things still and otmar was just his public-facing fall guy handling all of the media scrutiny and acting like the villain in the story. like yes he was the one calling out oscar on netflix and stuff but he had very little power in the grand of scheme of things.

anyway at the time, the director of the alpine academy was mia sharizman, who LOVED oscar lol and gassed him up in comparison to all the other juniors. he was a big part of the early academy overhaul in the first place, which is why they were able to create a generally robust testing program by the time rossi came into place, which i will say helped oscar massively in preparing for his time in f1. but he was already fired by the time crbgate happened sooo... rossi didn't really care about the academy at all, and his narrow-sighted business instincts heavily waylaid its potential and progress, and all of his poor decisions are also basically what directly ousted (THEE) prost from the outfit and turned him on alpine.

sorry this is getting so long but i do feel like you have to go back quite a bit to understand the failings in oscar's time at alpine LOL. anyway the REAL kicker of the story actually begins with esteban ocon: in 2021, rossi offered him a THREE-YEAR CONTRACT EXTENSION?! it was literally a kneejerk "oh we have a french driver who's doing okay this year so let's sign him FOREVER" reaction and it would also unknowingly be the nail in the coffin of his time in f1. like to be clear, mia nurtured visions of buliding a robust renault junior program for years and years, and then they signed esteban and FERNANDO, but laurent (renault puppet) was like hmmm well we've got a french guy so let's make sure we hold onto him forever. hehe :P for the image :3c

so that's basically where the problem lies in 2022. oscar—surprise surprise—wins f2 as a rookie, leaving him with nothing to do that year, since neither esteban nor fernando can be replaced, guanyu gets the only open seat left, and he isn't about to go to indycar to get forgotten, which means his only option is to be alpine's reserve driver and do a lot of testing with them to get the feel of an f1 car. the thing is, though...... someone (i assume mark) also manages to negotiate that oscar be allowed to join mclaren's pool of reserve drivers alongside alpine's, just to give him a maximum number of opportunities during his sabbatical. alpine, being Oh So Magnanimous And Open-hearted, are like ok? whatever. what's the worst that can happen

so at this time fernando had a one-year contract extension for 2022, and would ostensibly be parting ways with the team in 2023 for oscar to take his place. the problem is, though, that alpine are like ermmm... but Fernando is Good. but we can't get rid of esteban >__< so what if we just stick oscar at williams for a few years and then maybe we can give him a seat in like 2025???? which is like. WHO IS GOING TO BE WAITING AROUND FOR AN ALPINE SEAT!!! YOU AREN'T PRE-FLOPPAGE MERCEDES. you aren't even POST-FLOPPAGE mercedes. My God. 

basically alpine really wanted to have their cake and eat it too. they were like, well fernando is good NOW but he's also kind of old, so let's give him a 1+1 and kind of hold him on a tight leash in case his performance suddenly falls of a cliff. of course, because laurent has an ego the size of france, he was like surely fernando will be begging to stay with us because who else will have him?! not like the man is a world champion who has standards.

but then seb retired and fernando saw the opportunity and immediately jumped ship to aston. LOL.

back to oscar for a moment: basically he had a contract as a 2022 reserve driver and they were working on writing a contract for his potential 2023 seat, which at the time was presumably going to be the williams seat (replacing goatifi). the catalyst for oscar, or really mostly mark who handled all of this, was that they were constantly ghosting him and missing deadlines and basically dicking him around. they had this one director of legal affairs who was essentially alpine's ENTIRE LEGAL DEPARTMENT and was under huge pressure from both sides as she tried to handle the situation with 0 support or documents being given to her from alpine. here's the bit from the article that explains exactly why oscar never had an actual seat in place, and why the crb unanimously ruled in oscar's favor:

This reserve deal was lodged with the CRB on March 14th, but did not feature any extension beyond December 31st for a potential race seat with Alpine. Piastri received this contract through his lawyers on March 15th, with Mercer stating that this was "an emergency measure" with the season starting just four days later, and no reserve driver agreement in place. Without a contract in place, Piastri could not be granted a super licence for his reserve position, which Mercer was aware of. With no other option, she was forced into treating the Terms Sheet of November 2021 as a binding contract, adding the words "legally binding Heads of Terms" to the document.

the actual catalyst came in may 2022, when alpine finally proposed (as i previously mentioned) the plan to be at williams for 2 years until he could join them in 2025. to be clear, again, there was never A williams contract, just a proposal/plan to get him one. mark was basically like well Fuck That?! so he immediately got into conversation with mclaren/seidl/whoever, and they signed a driving agreement for oscar with mclaren, with the understanding that he'd be a reserve driver but had a clause to be promoted if they bought out ricciardo's contract. yay! this is what the crb upheld as "valid and binding" in comparison to alpine's farce of a document. 

finally back to fernando, the reason this all went to the crb in the first place is that alpine NEVER intended to immediately promote oscar and were simply blindsided by seb's retirement and fernando's subsequent "betrayal." because they suddenly had a seat open, they were quick to scramble together an announcement for oscar's seat, without any consideration for the fact that he might have been shopping around for a better offer after being held in limbo by them for so long. like not only did they want to ship him off to williams—who weren't even particularly receptive to the idea of being an incubator for other teams' academies anymore—they'd already stuck him in the reserve role for all of 2022!!! after winning f3 and f2 as a rookie back-to-back! and they would only ever continue to not learn with the rest of their drivers!!! (e.g. doohan... not that doohan is anywhere near the same level of fumble/expected ceiling as oscar but still. so embarrassing to see their juniors just walking around the paddock being sky/f1 media puppets)

sorry this is SO LONG. 

your other questions. re: how it effected oscar coming into 2023, i do think that overall, having so much testing experience with an f1 car and being around an f1 outfit was fairly helpful, although i wouldn't overstate the impact his testing had on him either—he was running with a different team and using a car from different regs. i don't think it necessarily negatively impacted him, though; sure, people entertained the narrative that he had a TON of pressure on him from taking ricciardo's seat, but i honestly don't feel that mclaren ever created that kind of environment for him, and i think his expectations as a rookie were laid out pretty clearly from the get-go. oscar was probably just eager to prove himself, focus on driving, and move on from the drama of alpine.

i'd also say that his early relationship with lando was probably similar LOL :') i don't think lando really had any particular thoughts on the situation or about oscar himself other than like "well good riddance for you mate" and then they probably just forgot about it. there was a lot of misinformation at the time about oscar's situation with alpine, but he strikes me as a very "well /i/ know the truth so who cares" kind of guy.

god SORRY this is so long but i hope this helps T__T <3

[furioushoneymaple]

Sonic Headcannons Part 2? (More Sonadow and what, Knuxouge too?)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Shadow: (talking/ranting with Sonic) "Well, with how long I was on the ARK and capsulated away for 50-some years, it feels like my body is still... adjusting."

Sonic: "Heheh, "adjusting" huh?"

Shadow has bad allergies, not often. But every once in a while he'll have a sneezing fit for a minute or two. And without fail, the start of the sneezing fit spooks Sonic/like a cat, he flinches at the first sound every time, without fail.

His allergies are bad during Autumn, not really during Spring or Summer. This is because on the ARK there was a small plant room/used for fresh air/gardening fresh plants and produce/this garden is his stash of coffee beans and his appreciation of lavender/but it was importantly for Maria and the rest of the people on the ARK who missed Earth. That plant room is either over-grown/full of coffee bean plants or lavender variants or it broke a part from the ARK and has been decaying/frozen in space/maybe separated as closed off from what's left habitable in the space station.

(I like to think that the plant room was forgotten about, only to be rediscovered as an over-grown plant room taking up a majority of sections, later found by Shadow and Sonic on their mission together, symbolizing Shadow's growth as a character, with the garden reflecting his life development)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Eh, anyways. Knuckles is very aware of his knuckles, other times, he is not. But during times of protecting or taking care of others, that's where he's very cautious. Mainly he's more gentle when he's taking care of someone/either picking someone up/cleaning the wounds off/bandaging up someone's injury/he's as soft and careful as he can be. He learned this from his family. He holds a bunch of medical knowledge and recently, he also learned more skills and tricks on how to take care of someone through Amy and Tails.

Amy always finds new ways to help, so she does her best to make sure her friends (and herself) are able to keep fighting, while also healing properly. She does this out of the kindness of her own heart, but she also deals with feeling like she needs to be her best/useful/tough 24/7. This really burns her out, and she may keep her pain a secret from time to time, but Amy always strives to give love and kindness through her actions, talents and words.

For Tails, he's the one who was stuck helping Sonic with his injuries. So, he knows a few DIY procedures, probably too many DIY emergency, it's concerning really. Tails unfortunately has seen too many injuries, so he's sort of "used to it"/no, numb to it. So he also carries big baggage here and there. But he copes through jokes/humor/maybe dark humor, I mean, Sonic is a part of that influence whether subconsciously or not. And Tails is not soulless, he cares massively about his found family, and can be a worry-bird, and that worry is fuel for his tinkering and creations.

Overall, Knuckles, Amy, and Tails share skills and tricks between each other, and it all helps them grow, learn, and it also helps them heal/heal the baggage and internal self standards/trauma left inside that they have yet to discover for themselves.

*COUGH* back to Knuckles, and to summarize what I'm trying to say, is that Knuckles will be gentle handling others with care. So, with Rouge/if not them bantering over the Master Emerald, he still handles her with great care, he's very tender and soft when it comes to hanging out with Rouge or his friends. Maybe a knucklehead, but a knucklehead with a big heart.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Knuckles likes to be the small spoon while cuddling, he's not really a spoon, he just likes the comfort of being protected. Don't chu ever think after being a protector, that all he wants is to feel protected himself? And Rouge is the one that likes to hold him close/her wings are comforting, hugging, and snug. And as they share moments together, as time flies, as memories are made, so are lessons, so for Knuckles, he learns how to be more "greedy".

Rouge: "It’s called self-care hon, and making sure he's able to treat himself to something nice. He still cares about his responsibilities. But he learns to relax a little..."

While Rouge learns to let go.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Rouge has a soft spot, but she keeps that somewhat hidden. She usually has her guard up (hence why she's the big spoon btw) as she always feels on edge or too stressed. She holds a lot of responsibility of her own, to her own. The stress of secret information, keeping secrets, going on top secret missions, and discovering grueling/fearful/challenging information all has its toll on her. Even if she just brushes it off, seen as calm, collected, and as a badass — still, Rouge has her hollow-hearted nights, her breakdowns, and her nightmares. It's rare but it's not like it doesn’t happen. But with the job, she keeps that minimal, the whole spiel about being able to separate her personal life with her job, she aces that, she tries for it to not get to her, and she does a thorough job for the work she does.

Rouge loves having her face held by Knuckles hands.

And Rouge very much cherishes her friends gifts, any gift really. She couldn't bare it if her gift ever got destroyed, but no one should ever hurt the gifts she cares about the most and that's people in her life.

Also Rouge has a vast spread of knowledge, especially when it comes to her treasures, to the history, the make, the material, it's use, its value, she knows basically everything if you ask her. Her knowledge also branches off into geology too, as she's used to sky, land, underground, and water missions. Maybe she does too much, who knows.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

(Ahh that's the end of this tangent so far and there's probably more headcannons eventually, but Thank Youuuuuu, peaceeeeeee)

[dylawas-reblogs]

Larian is wrong. Gale does not have a six pack. Gale does not have abs. Let me propose what's really going on with that dude.

First, let's look at the fighting style of the wizard. Yeah, they have a quarterstaff, but those are usually a last resort defense and not a primary form of attack. You still want to have the upper body strength to swing one around that's decently enough made to not snap like a twig if you've got to defend from an axe in a pinch, so they're not light, but it's not like he's bench pressing with the thing either. He's also not twirling it like a baton, or using it in a martial manner like a monk would, but that's where the other component of a wizard's fight style comes in; casting spells.

I'm not going to pretend I fully know/understand all the intricacies of magic and spellcasting in the Forgotten Realms, I play DND but we ignore that spell component bullshit. Somatic and verbal components still matter, but material? Ppf. Fuck that. All that is to say, take what I'm gonna suggest with a heap of salt.

Pretty much every spell in existence has a somatic component, meaning you move your arms and hands in a certain way to make it happen. So wizards may not be doing much heavy lifting, but they're still moving their arms a lot. Probably having to brace themselves to cast more powerful spells, too. And you can still very much build some muscle tone even if you're not throwing around bags of sand. Gymnasts and swimmers come to mind in this particular instance. Like yes I'm sure they train in other ways (and I know they rely on core and leg strength way more) but you can't tell me none of their increased arm strength comes from doing their actual sport.

And hell, as I was typing that out, maybe wizards do have arm-specific strength building exercises they do outside of spell casting. At the very least they're doing some hyper specific things with their wrists and fingers. Violinists do finger strength building exercises. That's totally not out of the question. It's likely, really.

Posture is also important for a wizard, not just because good posture keeps you alive in most dangerous circumstances in general, but it keeps you properly balanced to cast, and cast accurately. Given Gale's reprieve from the public eye for a year, though, this aspect has admittedly probably taken a little hit, and changes in posture can change the way a body's weight is distributed. And I want to make it very clear-- I don't think this man is thin. Especially not now, not with time and age. But I also don't think he completely stopped keeping up with his spellcasting, either. He'd want to keep his mind, tongue, and fingers sharp. This man doesn't do core exercises, mind, but he probably only spent the first few... Weeks? Maybe a month or two-- wallowing. You can take the wizard out of the spells, but you can't take the spells out of the wizard. He was trained to cast with efficiency and precision, and he'll keep doing that, so his posture, and therefore core strength, wouldn't completely lapse. In short, tummy plush, but likely not round.

Now, everything beneath the belly isn't as important for a wizard's needs, so I'm going to skim past them a little to get to my conclusion, but to summarize, if he has cake it's not because he was doing squats, if his thighs are thick it's not because of muscle, and we all know this man's knees are dogshit. There's a reason one of his canon lines is, "Given my propensity towards verbosity, it surely can't be a surprise that I have a practiced tongue." Suureee bud you can use that as your excuse for being a cunning linguist instead of your knees.

In conclusion, all of this is to get to the point that Gale does not have abs. Gale is, in fact, closer to dadbod, with some pretty decent upper body strength.

Oh yeah and he's hairy. I don't make the rules sorry.

[itneverendshere]

hii! just wanted to drop by this message to say I’m currently obsessed with the series of ‘loved you at your worst’. It has dragged me to pull out all folklore songs again 🥲 I just loooove your writing style and it amazes me how you can redact so amazingly <3 can’t wait for more chapters to see what’s next. Quick curious question: can you give us some more context on how invested was Rafe in the relationship with y/n? I’m curious how their dynamic was when both were stable lol. (I’m sorry if there’s misspelling, English is not my first language hehe).

your english is perfect don't worry, it's not my first language either!

im gonna try to summarize their relationship pre-big break up: rafe was SO obsessed with her, like genuinely all-in on this relationship. when things were good, they were perfect, they just clicked in this undeniable way—emotionally, physically, spiritually, they were just meant to fit. he wasn’t just invested; he was borderline consumed.

but it wasn’t just love, it was also their shared trauma. both of them had been through so much, and that’s partly why they felt so seen by each other. she got him in a way no one else did, and he craved that understanding (that's why shit hit the fan when she didn't coddle him when ward died). when they were stable, he actually put in effort to be open with her (his version of it), and she was his safe place and vise-versa. you’d look at them and think, “they're meant to be" yk??

but when things went wrong...it was a shitshow.

neither of them knew how to communicate their needs properly, so they’d just explode instead.

they’d go on those “breaks,” but they were still obsessing over each other, stalking socials, making each other jealous with a little flirting, just overall trying to be mean and hurtful but also checking in, very much toxic.

if they want any chance at real happiness together, they’re both gonna have to do some serious inner work, “heal your childhood traumas” level of work.

therapy? mandatory.

individual and couples counseling. they’d both need to face all that baggage, which is a LOT, honestly, given their history. 

i know everyone’s mad at rafe for dumping her just because she called out his father—even if she wasn’t wrong—but remember, he was not in his right mind. he was drowning in grief, numbing himself with alcohol, desperate for any sense of validation, so yeah, he filled her space with someone else just to feel needed. it's messy as fuck and desrespectful, but it wasn't a calculated choice.

and here’s the thing: it’s been from reader's POV so far, so we haven’t seen everything. yes, she’s hurting, but she’s not entirely blameless either. there were so many situations she could’ve handled better, and you’ll get to see those moments from a different angle soon.

honestly, both of them need to grow up. while i love my baby reader to pieces, part of why she feels so isolated now is because she put all her energy into rafe and rafe alone. she never took the time to build friendships or let others in, assuming he’d always be there and she’d never need anyone else. so yeah, she’s alone while he still has people around him, but that’s not entirely his fault, either. they both need to work on themselves if they want to heal.

[firststrikerr]

(A late night Steelstep conversation, 1052 words. Inspired by this specific exchange that keeps me up at night.)

“Chen.”

“What is it?”

The mattress sinks beside me as Marion shifts their position until they’re lying on their side. The tips of their fingers brush against my arm, but they don’t move it any further forward. “It wasn’t your fault.”

I turn my head to face them. Considering the number of things I feel responsible for, this might as well be about anything. Instead of trying to narrow down which of my many failings they're referring to, I wait for them to resume speaking.

“I know I didn't take it well when you first told me about it, but… you did what you had to.” A corner of their lips tugs upward at a harsh angle. Though they try to make their smile reach their eyes, the strained squint makes their imitation less convincing. “Thank you. For looking out for Ortega.”

“It’s in my self-interest to do so,” I mutter, catching up to what they're getting at. Why are they telling me this now? Why are they trying to pretend that they accept what happened? Their attempt at reassurance only serves to remind me of truer words they spoke in the heat of the moment. From the heart.

You hoped I was dead. It would be more convenient.

My denial felt sincere at the time, but can I really say there isn’t even a grain of truth to their accusation? My appointment as Marshal, Ricardo constantly on the brink, Sentinel’s retirement, the new recruits, the sniper—after a certain point, it was all too much. Whatever was going on behind the autopsy pictures felt beyond me.

“It can’t have been easy to tell me this,” I say in the end, because trying to understand them is the least I can do.

The silence that follows persists for long enough that, not for the first time, I wish I could pick up glimpses into their mind like they can with mine.

“Chen,” they repeat, as if they even need to call my name to have my full attention. They stare down at their limp hand. “I don’t want to be someone you feel responsible for.”

I unwittingly frown, but purposefully keep it on as my expression of disagreement. “You know that you’re more to me than that,” I sigh, taking their hesitant hand in mine. Not mine. But they squeeze back hard enough to almost make me believe it is.

“Guilt’s the only reason why you let me into your life,” they return, matter of fact.

“Guilt isn’t what got you here, in this apartment. In this bed.” I sigh, running my free hand through my hair. “In my damn head, even.”

Their grip loosens as their thumb brushes over my palm.

“When the time comes,” they say, leaning their head against my shoulder. When, not if. “I won’t blame you for making the right choice.”

“Marion,” I say, strained, now that the reason behind their forgiveness from earlier has become more evident. “Is this about…” There’s no better way to summarize this mess than with a single, proper noun. “Ricardo?”

At the mention of that name, their gaze finally flits back onto me. They plaster on an infuriatingly serene smile on their face. “Ah, you got me. I guess I was being pretty obvious, huh?”

My jaws tighten, but I manage to hold back my sigh. “We never did get around talking about that. Properly. Don’t think I forgot what you did.”

“I hope you didn’t,” they shrug. “Can’t have my matchmaking efforts go to waste like that.”

Without their usual touch of snark, they almost sound like they mean what they say. Pulling them in closer only makes it evident how tense they are.

“I’m not going to leave you behind, Marion.” Their fist clenches between their chest and mine. “Not again.”

“Let’s face it. This thing between us? It won’t last.” Pushing my arm away from them, they let their shoulder fall limply back on the bed until they’re facing the ceiling. “I’m trying to spare you from the consequences of this lapse in judgment, Marshal.”

“I know exactly what I’m getting myself into,” I lie. As expected, they toss me a glare for it.

“You don’t.”

“It doesn’t matter,” I counter, lifting myself up and narrowing my eyes at them. “Because it doesn’t change the fact that I’m not letting you push me away.”

They follow my lead and jerk upright, unwilling to give me the high ground. “What’s your grand plan, then? Keep me on a leash until you manage to fix me up and make it all right?” Their fingers dig into the sheets as they scoff. “Good luck with that.”

“I don’t know,” I admit, trying not to dig into the spaces between my joints. “I haven’t figured out what I’m going to do. Not yet. But at least…” After a beat of hesitation, I take their hand again. They don’t pull back. “At least let me try.”

Their head hangs low, but they grip my hand hard enough to tremble. It should hurt, but these hands aren’t made to feel pain.

“You’re going to regret this.”

“Maybe.” I can concede that much. “But not as much as the alternative.”

They choke on the incredulous laugh that escapes them.

“Chen, I…” Upon hearing the quiver in their voice, they grit their teeth and take a sharp breath. Their other hand comes up to clamp down on mine, which I then cover with my own free hand. As I do, it occurs to me how cold I must be to the touch. How unpleasant I must be to hold. Maybe that’s why—

Their forehead drops onto our entangled fingers.

“I don’t want to let go.”

I can’t help but smile. That’s all I needed to know.

“Then don’t.”

“But I should.”

“Still.” I press my lips onto their knuckles. “Don’t.”

A silence of disbelief stretches out the moment. Then, all at once, they toss a handful of blanket over my head, pushing me back down to the bed along with them. With a grunt, I pull the covers away from my face.

“You’re insufferable,” they sigh, even as they drape an arm over me and drag themself closer.

“If that’s what it takes, then sure.”

To that, they have no retort. Their steadying breaths signal their surrender.

[melliae]

The Last Boss in Persona 3

This is more of a continuation to my previous post (in Tumblr, here) about the meaning behind the Universe arcana. This post will follow the same main idea of my previous one: to analyze the meaning of final boss within the series through using esoteric and psychoanalitical concepts.

Now, before analyzing everything, it'll be better to first summarize the final boss' lore:

“The mother of all Shadows and bringer of death since ancient times. If she awakens, ‘the Fall’ will occur.” - Persona 3 Portable (I wanted to use the japanese version, but I haven’t found any perfect save for P3P/FES in japanese, or a ISO for Vanilla)

That’s almost everything that the game says in relation to what Nyx is, and it’s just a repetition of what Ryoji explained in December. There’s some interesting comments the cultists give during January, like how it “will change the flow of causality” or is an “Absolute Will” (“普遍の意志”, or “Universal/Omnipresent Will”), but their nature is obviously biased. It’s not until the release of the P3 Club Book that its lore becomes clearer, and which I’m going to summarize as it follows:

Nyx” is not actually called “Nyx”, but it’s a nameless entity classified as some sort of “Star Eater” that, eons ago and in a dormant state, crashed against the hadean earth (4.5 billions of years ago).

Due to both its dormant state and it’s strange material composition, existing between “mass and information” (similar to the Velvet Room), both the earth and the Star Eater survived the impact, but not without consequences: a lot of the earth’s matter came off and covered the Eater’s body, creating the moon – the Persona version of the “giant impact theory”.

However, that’s only in regards to the body, because its psyche got separated from the body and “flooded” earth’s surface, putting at risk the existing, but primitive life (ie. amoebas) on it due to its anathemic nature.

Life, driven completely by its instinct to survive, sealed the psyche within themselves, limiting their lifespan (ie. creating death) as well as allowing their psychological development, ending in both the creation of consciousness and the collective unconscious.

As you can see, there’s a good reason Nyx is called the “maternal entity”: its very own soul is what allowed the birth of humanity and all forms of complex life, explaining why it was named “Nyx” by the Kirijos – just as the greek deity give birth to all sort of deities that shape the human experience, the Star Eater made possible its existence. The same applies to its title as “mother of Shadows”, because its psyche wasn’t only sealed within the depths of the collective unconscious by life’s drive to live, but also became an essential part of the human soul as well: their Shadow. So it’s not that “she” is the mother of Shadows, but that Shadows are Nyx, and we all know how important they are.

“The Shadows we hold in our psyches themselves are not just mere prisoners, but have become an essential part of the inner structure of our minds. Without a Shadow, a mind - especially one as highly complex as that of a human being - cannot function properly and ceases to work, as if it had been lost entirely.” – Ikutsuki, P3 Club Book

“What I released from the Trapezohedron just now was the half of that woman that could not come to life until now: her complexes, her emotional trauma–her suppressed Shadow, if you will. And you learned on the other side what happens should you kill the mind’s Shadow, didn’t you? How ironic that it was all of you who made her this way.” - The Faceless God (Nyarlathotep’s Avatar), Tatsuya’s Scenario (referencing Yukino’s end if her Shadow jumps into the abyss).

“If we erase a Palace, there is no doubt that the person’s distorted desires will be erased as well. But desires are what we all need in order to survive. The will to sleep, eat, fall in love–those sort of things. [...] If all those yearnings were to vanish, they’d be no different than someone who was shut entirely. They may even die if they’re not given care.” - Morgana, Persona 5

The shadow men, apathy syndrome, mental shutdowns, and psychotic breakdowns… All of them are manifestations of what happens when the Shadow of an individual is disturbed or destroyed: the collapse of the individual psyche or soul. That means it’s equally valid to affirm Nyx is the origin of both all Shadows and souls in the series, becoming even clearer when see how the personality module of the anti-shadow weapons, their “papillion heart”, is made out of plumes of dusk, crystalline fragments of Nyx’s body. This is further strengthened by Sho Minzauki’s second personality, born out of the plume implanted on his brain, and Metis as the Shadow of Aigis, bearing the name of Athena’s mother and her Persona being the embodiment of the soul in greek mythos.

It’s easy to see, then, that Nyx is not just “another god” (without the intention to diss Izanami, Yaldabaoth and the rest), but a primordial aspect of the life’s collective psyche (ie. the unconscious). That’s why it’s called the “Universal/Absolute Will”, for “she” is all around life and humanity, being the “ground of being” from which all their potentials come from, for even the very own power of Persona is nothing but something derived from the “small Nyx” acting as the foundation of one’s psyche. Even the capability to alter space-time and reality inherent to life is derived from it, even in Tadashi’s trilogy.

“Mitsuru: These people are Persona Users who appeared in “Megami Ibunroku Persona”, “Persona 2: Innocent Sin” and “Persona 2: Eternal Punishment”. As far as we can see from what’s been shown on television, they seem to be living peaceful lives right now. [...] Akihiko: Still, those guys are Persona Users, right? They have the potential, yet I haven’t heard anything about people like that trying to help out with the things that have been happening here in the Minato Ward… Mitsuru: Well, you have to consider that not all of them might be Persona Users any longer. [...] According to the staff, in our game, the “Value of Life” is defined by the sudden changes in time and space that our wills can bring about. We’ve already explained that Shadows have the ability to manipulate space-time, so the same might be true for those they dwell in, us living beings.” - P3 Club Book

“From the first, people have had a tremendous power in their souls over the flow of reality. [...] Yes… The power that created your world is the same as your inner strength… In this collective unconsciousness, it’s possible.” - Philemon, Innocent Sin.

Even the plumes of dusk, and thus the body of Nyx, have the same properties to alter reality, and emit readings similar to “living beings” despite being deadly to life on earth.

While it’s pretty clear how encompassing Nyx's lore and nature is, it’s important to keep in mind that most of this, at some level, was implied or said by the games. Side material like the Club Book just clarifies what was shown in the Journey, the Answer and even Arena. So now, it’s time to really analyze the beast this eldritch abomination is.

The Golden Egg

Now, it’s just common sense to begin with the mythological foundation of the games: greek mythology, and in particular Orphism, a branch which acted as a mystery (ie.secret) cult mythological founded by Orpheus. It preached, in basic terms, about the findings of the poet after he returned to the land of the living with wisdom about the nature of the world, its cycle of death and rebirth, and how to break from it.

It’s unknown if there’s a cycle of reincarnation in Persona, but we know there may be a similar thing based on Enlil’s quote of how “humans have learned nothing from the cycle of destruction and rebirth” during her second phase. There’s something similar in PQ, where Zen described the “providence of the world” (ie. the collective unconscious), and in the Club Book, about how the unconscious created an archetypal tale between demons and gods to protect the human soul from Nyx’s influence. However, that’s not that relevant, with our focus being more on the creation myth of the cult:

“Similarly, in connection with the raven as the name for this situation, we must consider the creative night mentioned in an Orphic hymn, which calls it a bird with black wings that was fertilized by the wind (pneuma). The product of this union was the silver egg, which in the Orphic view contained heaven above and earth below, and was therefore a cosmos in itself, i.e., the Microcosm.” - Mysterium Coniunctionis.

Within the context of cosmogonical eggs, the hindu hiranyagarbha can also be rescued, described by Jung as “the collective aggregate of all souls”. The relation between these two eggs and Nyx as the “mother of all” is quite obvious, but more important is the fact that its core is a giant, golden egg… cracked – the universe has already been born. But as I wrote in my previous post and as implied by the hiranyagarbha, the universe born out of Nyx is equal to the collective unconscious and thus humanity, harking back to other traditions in which the archetypal man is born out of an egg.

Since we now know what Nyx gave birth to the collective soul of life after “she cracked” or crashed against earth, we must ask what was it like before it crashed:

“The phenomenology of the "child's" birth always points back to an original psychological state of non-recognition, i.e., of darkness or twilight, of non-differentiation between subject and object, of unconscious identity of man and the universe. This phase of non-differentiation produces the golden egg, which is both man and universe and yet neither, but an irrational third.” - Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious

Quite self-explanatory, don’t you think so? It even explains why Nyx is an “alien Star Eater”, for its true nature is what lies in the state before the separation of “heaven and earth”, before the divide between unconsciousness and consciousness. This liminal state is even reflected in its body which exists as both information/thought and matter at the same time, in-between the physical moon and the deepest abyss of the Sea of Souls as per Elizabeth’s route in Arena (“最も深淵なる場所だ”), or how even the Club Book describes its main body as “neither organic nor inorganic” ("有機物とも無機物とも判断しかねる外見である") – completely undifferentiated.

Naturally, this brings out to the mind the jewish associations established by the Club Book and the P3xP4 Analyze, about how Tartarus represents both the seven earths Adam wandered after being expelled out of Eden and the Sephirot that comprise the kabbalistic tree of life respectively, the two symbols for the development of consciousness out of the primitive, undifferentiated unconsciousness, which even Soejima noted. The Star Eater, as the one above Tartarus, becomes equal to Paradise and the unconscious godhead, the Ein Sof, from which the tree, synonymous with the archetypal man and universe, grows out, thus being one with the deepest layer of the Sea, as previously commented.

If you remember the confrontation with its Avatar, how “he” uses the narrative of the tree of knowledge to explain the arcanas, it adds another layer to its meaning: the fruit of knowledge is a very obvious metaphor for the birth of consciousness, but also one for the Shadows as well, with both ultimately causing the birth of death (or the awareness about it). This means Nyx, as the sum of all Shadows, is the tree of knowledge and death, which makes it equal to the tree of life and archetypal man, with even Tartarus being compared to the “corpse of god being (hanged) upside-down” in the Analyze book.

“七つの地” は神をシンボライズした “セフィロトの樹” と上下逆向きで対応しており、テベルは根本の基礎部分にあたる “イェンド” に相当する。” “The “seven earths” correspond to the Tree of the Sefirot, which symbolized God upside-down, with Thebel corresponding to “Yesod”, being the root of the foundations.”

And according to the same source, Tartarus is made out of Shadows and the psychic stratum of humanity:

“これは、タルタロスが基本的にはシャドウと同じ精神体によって構成されているからで、言ってみればその場所の記憶のようなものが構造に反映された結果そうなったもの。同様にタルタロス自体の内部構造も精神体からできたもので、タルタロス構造に取り込まれた精神体の記憶のようなものが反映されている” “This is thanks to Tartarus being fundamentally composed by the same psychic nature of Shadows, as if the memories of the research facility were reflected into the structure so to speak. Similarly, the internal structure of Tartarus itself is made up of such psychic substance, and as such it’s as if the memories of that substance were reflected and taken in by Tartarus’ architecture.”

So more reason to think Nyx, in essence, was the preconscious state of humanity and life before it crashed. It’s the unknown, unconscious godhead in which there is no difference between object and subject, acting as its own “universal individual” in a dormant, sleeping state. It’s pure coincidentia oppositorum.

Joining Opposites

“Nyx” means “night, and the night (along with darkness, dusk and many others) is one of the de facto symbols of the unconscious, along with the underworld (Tartarus). The moon being another symbol of the same thing just further confirms the Star Eater is the unconscious or it’s in an unconscious state. However, pure unconsciousness it’s not what only Nyx has to offer, for someone deeply related to it also exists: its avatar, Death, also known as Pharos.

Pharos’ name is a quite interesting, because in japanese is written as “ファルロス”, mixing both the katakana for “ファルス”, or “phallus”, and “ファロス”, or “pharos (of Alexandria)”. There’s no need to comment the masculine nature of the first word, but it has to be done in regards to the second one and its double nature, since the pharos of Alexandria acts as an obvious masculine symbol thanks to its phallic form, and as a symbol of consciousness due to the light it emits. That’s to say, Pharos is the conscious and masculine counterpart to Nyx’s actual state; Ryoji, with his casanova attitude and yellow scarf, reinforces the concept.

Now, all of that means that, just as expected, the original state of Nyx was androgynus in nature – both female and male at the same time. Some remains of this can also be seen in its core, golden and solar in nature despite being within the moon, and obviously harks back to another quote of Jung:

“The moon with her antithetical nature is, in a sense, a prototype of individuation, a prefiguration of the self: she is the “mother and spouse of the sun, who carries in the wind and the air the spagyric embryo conceived by the sun in her womb and belly.” This image corresponds to the psychologem of the pregnant anima, whose child is the self, or is marked by the attributes of the hero.” - Mysterium Coniunctionis.

Such an image is alchemical in nature, describing the nature of “Queen Luna” (a symbol for both the feminine essence of nature and Nyx) as the mother and partner of “King Sol” (the masculine essence, and in this case Death), who ultimately join in matrimony to achieve the “philosophical stone” – oneness with the world. I doubt I have to explain how the Fall acts as the “shadow” of such a process, ending with the death of all living beings. Though it’s also interesting how is related to the Avatar as such, whom only isn’t only found at the top of Tartarus or “tree of death”, meaning it acquired the same dignity as all other mythological primal humans, but it’s also androgynous in appearance – both feminine and masculine natures are necessary for wholeness, be it conscious or unconscious.

By that matter, the protagonist acts as both “Queen Luna” (gray eyes, pretty boy, “death was inside him”, and Messiah being completely white) and “King Sol”, for he, as “Orpheus”, enters into Nyx’s “eye” in an scene eerily reminiscent of what Jung wrote:

“The “eye” evidently stands for the female genitals, as is clear from the myth of Indra, who, as a punishment for his wantonness, was smitten with yonis all over his body, but was so far pardoned by the gods that the shameful yonis were changed into eyes. The little image reflected in the eye, the “pupilla,” is a “child.” The great god becomes a child again: he enters into the mother’s womb for self-renewal.” - Symbols of Transformation.

Yep… But at any rate, returning to the Avatar, his speech about the arcanas returns once again, since it includes all the arcanas from the Fool to Death, passing through the twelve intermediary ones, with each one representing one of the “hours” within a clock. This implies the Fool and Death stand outside of the cycle of time somehow, and since the Fool it’s the “beginning of life” as per Edogawa’s lecture on japanese, it’s not surprising to connect the card with an infant… like Pharos – Death itself.

Within the Avatar and Nyx the entire cycle of life is described, where both the beginning and end life become one to form a ring, a circle that can be described better as the Universe or World itself, as the Analyze book says:

“最後に発現する “世界” あるいは “宇宙” のタロットには、卵のような形のウロボロスの輪に囲まれた女性の姿が描かれている [...] 二ュクスの中心核は、そのウロボロスの形にも似ている透明な輝く卵の姿をしていた” “In regards to the final manifestation of the “World” or “Universe” tarot card, a feminine figure encircled in an egg-shaped ouroboros ring is depicted. [...] The shining, translucent egg acting as Nyx’s core resembles the shape of the ouroboros as well.”

More telling, the core, despite being the cosmic egg and having the light of creation (or “libido”, the name put by Jung to describe “psychic energy”), only uses “Death” to attack.

The Forgotten Godhead

What you are seeing is one of the first mandalas Jung created during his schizophrenia visions in 1916 or so. It’s called “systema munditotius” or “system of all worlds”, for it represents the psychic activity of all human beings at some level. It’s full of details and the like, but the more important things for now is the vertical axis, beginning with the golden egg with a human at the top, and ending with the lion-headed serpent at the bottom.

The first figure, the egg, represent the future, collective “imago dei” of humanity, the next symbol for the Self that has yet to be born and that Jung called “Phanes”, the primordial being born out of the cosmic egg within orphic myths, embodiment of existence itself and husband, father and/or son of Nyx. The second figure, the serpent or “Abraxas”, represents the past and present “imago dei”, a symbol reminiscent of the Demiurge and a bastardization of the christian god, having both a monster and a caterpillar, the promises of death and life, by its sides, and the tree of life rooted on its head (or mind)

If you begin to think, it becomes obvious what’s the relationship between the Star Eater and those two figures: It’s both. Not only the Eater is both death and a “caterpillar”, since it’s the source of all souls which are represented by butterflies in the series (see the Papillion heart and Psyche), but it’s also the cosmic egg and thus Phanes (see Ryoji). It’s the unconscious self of all humanity, forgotten and fragmented, hanged upside-down, and to which everyone has to obey

“What the god-sun speaketh is life. What the devil speaketh is death. But Abraxas speaketh that hallowed and accursed word which is life and death at the same time. Abraxas begetteth truth and lying, good and evil, light and darkness, in the same word and in the same act. Wherefore is Abraxas terrible. [...] To look upon it, is blindness. To know it, is sickness. To worship it, is death. To fear it, is wisdom. To resist it not, is redemption.” - Seven Sermons to the Dead

For Abraxas, in its primitive and unconscious brutality, is life and its origin, the endless cycle of death and rebirth, just as the Star Eater holds the Fool and the Death as one and the same. They are the flow of time, the drive that created everything from the unconscious as the savage demiurge. They are the endless conflict of life.

But in its role as Phanes, as the yet-to-be born Self, the Star Eater is the promise and realization of all beings – their meaning. However, its core, its egg, is cracked, damaged and divided, and therefore the Self of all humanity is unable to be born yet. For that, the egg must be joined once again and understood, just like Philemon said in IS and Tatsuya’s Scenario, for the egg – the Star Eater – is life.

Such transformation, at an individual level, is masterfully shown with Death’s own journey, going from a shadowy, primitive and savage monster to a kid curious about the world, and then to a teenager which loves everything life can offer from the beginning, all thanks to the journey of the protagonist and all the memories he gained. Yet, such search for meaning wasn’t enough to stop the hopelessness and self-destructivity of the collective, of humanity’s and the godhead’s yearn to return to what they were once… but the protagonist didn’t give up on and, against all possibilities, created a miracle: he was able to give meaning to life and thus to death, instauring hope in the furthest depths of everyone’s hearts.

That’s the true meaning of death within the game. It’s not about merely physical death, but also psychological death, transformation and, ultimately, hope. Death and time are the drives for the endless change within the human soul, equally givers and takers of happiness and tragedy. And with life and light, they make up the totality of the universe we know, for they are one and the same, with the rejection of one meaning the rejection of the other.

Death it’s not only a unknown hunter, but also a part of oneself, and that it’s hopefully treated as a friend even in the worst times. After all, accepting death and life as parts of the whole, to accept that everything will come and go, your sadness and happiness, it’s the first step to break off from the endless cycle of suffering and conflict, of “evil demons and benevolent gods” that are naught but a part of the human soul.

Don’t forget life brims with joy, and that you should bring that same joy to death. Live a good death!

[aideneverybody]

Okay, screw it. I wrote an opinion essay for class, it’s an essay on Luka.

Disclaimer: this is my first real essay, and for whatever reason I’m putting it on this site (🫶), so don’t be mean please. also mentions of using chatgpt to summarize information, but! I only did it because my teacher said we should do so if we needed a quick summary. fuck ai on absolutely every other front. also, references are supposed to be imbedded links in the text, idk if that’ll appear or not. if it doesn’t and people wanna know what my sources are I can reblog with a list or smth.

Also, obviously spoilers for Alien Stage.

Without further ado, I suppose..

Why Luka (Alien Stage) is an Extremely Complex Case.

Do you ever have that one character that you know has done some messed up things, but you can’t help but love anyways? Yeah, I think we all do. Especially if they have reasons for it, and especially if those reasons are justifiable.

Like, for example, Luka from the webseries Alien Stage, a show about singing for your life against another person (if you’re a human, that is). Luka is a character with a terrible personality who has committed what should be unforgivable actions, from manipulating opponents with memories of their dead loved ones to allegedly killing his crush’s brother during an altercation as a teenager.

A lot of people, in the show and its fanbase, love him, and others hate him reasonably. No matter what your opinion is on him though, there’s a lot of complexities to take into account when it comes to Luka, like the environment and view he was raised in, the way humans are manufactured in the world of Alien Stage, and the ways surviving all of it can twist a character to become like Luka.

The environment we see the humans in Alien Stage raised in is hardly ideal for anybody other than maybe Truman Burbank, and the human-pets raised there. As a child, many children including Luka inhabited ANAKT Garden, a school of music created to teach human-pets how to sing.

The environment a child is raised in can affect their mental health greatly by changing brain structure and function, and that may have been the aliens’ idea, but… did they do it right, with what they were attempting to achieve?

According to a post regarding ANAKT Garden on the official Alien Stage Patreon, “The environment is modeled after Earth's nature because it is known to be the optimal setting for humans to produce the most beautiful voices. Everything in Anakt Garden is designed to keep pet humans in the best possible condition”, and according to the official artbook’s English translation, “[ANAKT Garden] was designed as an average value by synthesizing abstract visual data from human perception of 'heaven'. But it can never be said to be a perfect heaven because it was created without a complete understanding of human beings”. In simple terms: they failed, at least somewhat, to make an environment that made humans feel… well, human, or at least ever at peace. From the grass to the skyline, everything that surrounds the children at ANAKT Garden is fake, not to mention littered with cameras; and that’s not exactly good for mental health.

However, I highly doubt the aliens cared about the mental health of their pets, as long as they sang properly, so I suppose them turning into an ambitious, calculating, cold-blooded person is just an added perk.

The environment Luka was raised in wasn’t exactly “human”, which didn’t help with the growth of his humanity.

Luka’s surroundings can’t be the only thing blamed for his behaviors as an adult, however; he is a product, and products are meticulously designed and manufactured.

Though ANAKT Garden is a school of music made for children, it could also be considered a factory of sorts. Learning how to warm up your vocal cords and read music notes aren’t the only type of performance training children who attend are subjected to. Students are put through more rigorous exercises like heavily monitored, technologically advanced dance, singing and instrumental training, as well as some more “interesting” tests like “superiority tests”, “image making training”, and one specifically tailored to Luka that I’ll explain.

Luka has three documented conditions: chronic migraines, asthma, and congenital heart disease. His special training? “Heart rate variability”. This is defined as “controlling heartbeats to induce the fear of death”, and is exclusive to Luka.

However, as a child, not only was Luka faced with an inescapable threat of death due to his illness, but he was also isolated and ignored by peers due to his weaknesses. Said weaknesses were not helped by limitations he was given when it came to food. Luka was not allowed to eat much as a child, put on a strict diet by his owner, Heperu, and thus could very easily lead to something referred to as scarcity effect.

Luka is also undeniably a good example of the aftereffects of being a child star. He was marketed since he was a student at ANAKT Garden; an official Patreon post stated, “…even while attending Anakt Garden, [Luka and a classmate] kept gaining recognition for their external activities in the showbiz world”. Effects of being exposed to fame as a child, as summarized by chatGPT and paraphrased by me, include stressfully high expectations in regards to success, exploitation from parents/guardians - in this case his owner, identity issues due to constantly being in the eye of the public and being unable to separate a stage persona from your genuine self, invasion of personal space and a struggle to maintain the boundaries of a private life, failure to maintain healthy personal relationships and developing less than ideal coping mechanisms.

These could very well be applied to Luka. He grew up forever in the eye of the public and surrounded by cameras, has a very manipulative owner, and has no personal relationships to speak of.

Luka is a star because he was bent and twisted and rearranged mentally to be so, in not just ugly ways but extremely unethical ones.

Now, where does that leave Luka as an adult? Just as twisted as the ways he was produced, that’s where.

Luka was top of his class at ANAKT Garden, and won the 49th season of Alien Stage. The current canon of the show takes place in the 50th season, and he won that too. He is, no doubt, easily classified as a “winner”, and certainly a successful investment as a human-pet. Although, I wouldn’t say the word “human”, in all of its glory as one of the most wonderful adjectives that could be applied to a person, fits Luka as a character anymore.

Recall when I brought up the scarcity effect. As defined by Wikipedia, “[In the area of social psychology] Scarcity is basically how people handle satisfying themselves regarding unlimited wants and needs with resources that are limited. Humans place a higher value on an object that is scarce, and a lower value on those that are in abundance”. One of the effects of scarcity effect in humans can be a lack of empathy towards others when they believe time is short, and when your heart is constantly working against you, when isn’t it? Luka, in the artbook, is described as a man who “didn't care whether others were hurt or not because he lived only to prove his own value without giving up his side to anyone. He has no hesitation in trampling others and climbing up”. He does things like study his opponent’s weak points and actively exploit them on stage in order to win. There’s your lack of empathy. Furthermore, the conditional variations of new scarcity and competition fits Luka well. To quote the Wikipedia on scarcity effect again, “New scarcity occurs when our irrational desire for limited resources increases when we move from a state of abundance to a state of scarcity”. In regards to competition, “In situations when others are directly competing for scarce resources, the value we assign to objects is further inflated”. I believe it’s a if-the-shoe-fits-type situation, and the shoe is currently the perfect size for Luka.

He won Alien Stage. He won a show that is a matter of life and death, where the best of the best are put up against each other with not only the pressure of a metaphorical, but a literal gun to them. And not only did he win, but he did so while being in a fairly vulnerable position. For example, his migraines. Migraines are known to cause sensitivity to light, and while on stage, Luka is subjected to many of them. He pushed himself to agonizing points, through extremely unsavory training and suffocating amounts of social pressure, to win, and it’s seemed to pay off for him just fine. In the Alien Stage video “TOP 3”, during Luka’s montage, a subtitle appears that consists of the text “The Luka syndrome is sweeping the universe”. The aliens love him. The easy excuse, relying on that information and how it spurs him on, is that fame is an addiction. There are oh so many studies on social media and fame and the problems they can cause. However, I think there’s more to it than that when it comes to Luka.

In an article of the psychology of pretty privilege, it’s said that “[Research] consistently shows that attractive individuals are more likely to be hired, promoted and receive higher salaries. Their appearance-based confidence also enables them to pursue the wages and opportunities they desire and deserve”. I feel like this could be similar to Luka’s current situation. He made it, and he’s idolized, and good things happen when you’re idolized. Indulgence in things like, I don’t know, food and sugar, happen when you’re idolized, as a reward if nothing else. Proper treatment for a myriad of health issues that the aliens are clearly not below abusing and using against him happens when you’re idolized, even if it is just to keep you healthy for the stage. Even rather immature things, like rubbing your success into the faces of those who once overlooked you, happen when you’re idolized.

Why would he want to let that go? He wouldn’t, could you blame him? But, the constant threat of losing it all looms over him. He won Alien Stage Season 49 and got such a wonderful taste of privilege… and then got chucked back into the brutal competition because he was so good. But by then he knew how to play the system, and had a reason to be desperate to play it. His charm on the stage may seem indispensable, but he knows he himself is not.

He remembers the cruel training, he remembers how he got to where he is, and he’s desperate enough for that - hence scarcity effect - that he refuses to let it go, leaving him with a more alien mentality than human. He lives and exists to be entertainment, he knows that, and he knows that without it he may very well not be living at all.

Luka, and many other characters with similar narratives, have many… interesting features that go into their detestable personalities. Luka, as a specific, has had to suffer through uncanny surroundings, torturous stage training, being pushed to aggressively desire things that should be relatively common, the paranoia of being watched and the mental struggles that go hand in hand with the life of a child star, and how that evolved to turn him into a completely inhuman apparatus of a man.

But, honestly? There is so much more to him that I can’t even fit in here. So, with what I’ve presented you, call your own shots! This is just how I view the way he functions and what reasons could be behind it. You could continue or begin to despise him right now, if you wanted; just make sure to acknowledge that he is a very complex character, no matter how you slice it.